Alien Nation
by Oldlibrn
Summary: Vala leaves Daniel's room before the kiss.
1. Chapter 1

Vala was used to Daniel being upset, distressed, angry, even shouting at her. But this time it had been different, he had yelled at her and sounded beyond angry. When he asked her if she thought that he could ever have "serious feelings" for her it was as if she had been punched in her stomach. Vala felt herself double over in pain though she knew that no one had physically hit her. It was a questions that she had never wanted asked and never wanted him to answer. Vala thought that there wasn't anything worse that he could have said. It made her face that he didn't and never would love her. That how much she loved him would never matter. After that she hadn't really listened to what he said next. She could tell by his tone and the words that got through to her how angry he was. She could tell that he was detailing her faults, how unworthy she was, why he could never have any type of relationship with her, etc.

Then she discovered that there was something worse that Daniel could have said. "And this whole ... flirty ... sexual ...thing that you do, that's just your way of having a laugh at my expense!" If he thought that she was laughing at him and trying to humiliate him then he was right. They were wrong for each other. She pulled her sweater over her head, stood up and left. Vala didn't run but she moved quickly not allowing him to see her face. Once she was in her quarters she went and scrubbed the tears off her face. She washed her face with so much force that she left bright red marks on her cheeks.

Daniel watched Vala close the door behind her and felt a pain in his stomach. It felt as if he had been punched. He hadn't expected her to leave like that, without saying a word. But he hadn't expected her to sit there on his bed so quiet and still. She didn't respond to any of the things that he said to her, about her, about them. Vala said nothing, didn't defend herself, didn't tell him that he was wrong, and didn't join the fight he seemed to be trying to provoke. He heard himself lash out at her, saying anything to try and get her to react. He didn't seem to be able to stop himself, being unfair, cruel and then crossing over to horrible lies. However, even at his worst Daniel was very good at repressing his thoughts, feelings and deep emotions. Once he kept himself from going after Vala, following her out his door, running to catch her before she could escape him, it was only minutes before he started to push his urges down where they would hopefully never be able to surface. He was able to convince, after only the briefest of pauses and minimal self-doubt, himself that he could face the "Vala problem" later. That he only had to apologize for shouting at her and they could return to normal (whatever "normal" was for them).


	2. Chapter 2

**Writer's Note:**

**Sorry, but I can never resist a plug for public libraries. I am convinced that any alien would be ecstatic to discover libraries. Please note that the groups and programs mentioned by Vala were offered at the Colorado Springs Penrose Library in August.**

Daniel made a conscious decision to focus all of his attention and energy on his latest Asgard project. Earlier that day he and Vala had been in the "room". Cam liked to refer to it as Daniel's Playground or Daniel's Sandbox. Daniel thought of it as the Asgard Storehouse of Knowledge. It was Vala who had decided it should be called the Asgard Library and now that was the name used by everyone.

Daniel had asked Vala what made her use the word Library. He wanted to make sure that Vala understood that there were no actual books in the room. Vala looked at him in surprise as if he was insane.

"My dear Daniel, you shock me! When was the last time you were in the Colorado Springs Library? Books are fantastic but do you have any idea of all the wonderful things that are available in your libraries? How do you think I have been able to assimilate so quickly, and may I say seamlessly into your culture?"

Daniel smiled at the idea of her seamless integration. Vala went on to explain to Daniel that she visited "her" library at least once a week. SGC allowed her to leave the base to do so, though they insisted on driving her there and back. They didn't have to mention that they would have people watching her while she was in the library; they were nothing if not obvious. But Vala didn't mind, she had no interest in trying to get away. The library was where she wanted to be.

Once again it amazed her that the people of Earth were so often unaware of the wonders so freely available to them. She was an active member of the Science Fiction/Fantasy BookDiscussion Group that met every week. Just last week Vala had registered for a program, titled Investment Tools, designed to teach you how to research company and mutual fund performance. Now that she was receiving a salary Vala had developed a keen interest in managing and, of course, increasing her money.

Vala had been delighted to discover that she was allowed to take home movies for free. And you didn't want to get her started on her latest find, the bookmobile! At times she felt as if she were a member of a secret society. A society that provided her access to all sorts of magical and fantastic experiences.

Daniel knew that the others thought he went to the Library to read some sort of Great Asgard Computer Encyclopedia from A to Z. This morning they had come across a database of ethnographic studies. The Asgard had invested a lot of time and resources investigating cultures on other worlds. They lived among the people and created virtual computer records of their daily lives. You didn't read a study of a culture .You experienced it first hand and in real time. You ate with the people, hunted with them, celebrated life, death, love and more with them. It was the ultimate in armchair fieldwork.

Daniel was surprised and intrigued as Vala, jumping up and down with excitement, explained what it could mean to him. He could experience a culture in depth, develop his own theories, and draw his own conclusions. The study of a culture, society, or community was not rocket science, there were no right answers. It was qualitative research relying on creative thought, intuition, and the ability to see the reasons behind societal behavior. **Daniel admired the writings of Claude Lévi-Strauss and felt inspired by the opportunities made available to him by these Asgard records. **Later on, if he was interested, he could compare his conclusions with those of the Asgard.

Daniel thought that the most productive plan to follow would be to throw himself into his work first thing in the morning. Then, after he had apologized to Vala he could tell her all about it. Daniel was excited at the thought of discussing his research ideas with Vala. Just thinking about that seemed to help ease the nagging worry in the back of his mind about the apology and even more about why it was needed.

Vala knew that Daniel was right about a lot of things, but the emotional wreck description was truer now than ever. Vala had never told anyone at SGC, not even Daniel, the trouble she had been having reconciling the false memories they had implanted in her mind with the day-to-day reality at SGC. Intellectually Vala knew that what she remembered so vividly had never actually happened. Yet every time she saw Reynolds she had a violent visceral reaction. Vala would actually see and hear him yelling about the men who had died because of her and she would have to run to the nearest bathroom and vomit.

Sometimes she would catch herself looking across the briefing table at Mitchell and Sam, having to fight down memories of their betrayal and abandonment. Yet Vala never reacted that way to Daniel. She wasn't sure whether that was because she loved Daniel or simply that she spent more time with him. She also never knew why Teal'c didn't affect her that way. She was just grateful that she could relax around both Daniel and Teal'c.

Vala had wondered why they hadn't removed her false memories as they had erased Cam's memories of the murder. She assumed that her ability to function as if the false memories caused her no problems, and her skills in hiding her living nightmares, had kept them from even thinking about it. In fact, in time, she actually felt happy about it. Vala was proud of the fact that it was so easy for her to fool everyone. Though sometimes at night, when she couldn't sleep because sleep would mean ugly dreams, Vala thought that perhaps it would have been a good thing if she did relive those painful memories when she was with him. Maybe Daniel would have noticed her problem and helped her. But it was too late now. Vala didn't expect to spend much time being close to Daniel any time soon if ever again.


	3. Chapter 3

Now that Vala knew how Daniel truly felt about her she had to consider her relationships with the rest of the team. She continued to feel comfortable and safe with Teal'c. Perhaps it was a special bond between two people who were the epitome of outsiders.

As serious and stoic as he usually appeared, Vala would often glimpse the slightest of smiles and the briefest of nods when they exchanged glances. She would catch that look when she and Daniel were having one of their "discussions". Maybe she should blame Teal'c for contributing to her problems with Daniel. Vala had felt that Teal'c enjoyed the idea of her and Daniel being together. At times she interpreted his approval to mean that Teal'c thought Daniel felt, or could someday feel something for her in return.

Vala believed that Teal'c actually had "fun" playing basketball with her, Mitchell and Daniel. He would actually smile and respond to her teasing, especially her attempts to torture the other team. Vala had made it her personal goal to make him laugh. She had hoped to succeed in time. Sadly that would not happen now. The only way she would be able to live without Daniel would be to leave SG-1. Of course, first was they needed to solve the problem of "time" and how to get off the _Odyssey._

Thinking about Mitchell and Sam was difficult for her. Vala knew that she would not have been so devastated by her false memories unless she had at one time felt close to them. Close enough to them to feel real pain and anger when she believed that they had abandoned her. Vala was troubled by her dreams. Dreams where she remembered lies, relived the lies but was unable to separate those lies from the truth. Vala had thought that Daniel cared about her and she had been so wrong about him. Vala had to think that she may also been wrong about the others.

Landry was somewhat of a conundrum to Vala. She felt that she knew him the least well of the group and had much less, if any, of a relationship with him. Yet somehow Vala knew that he respected her and appreciated her skills and her knowledge.

Landry considered her brave and was grateful for her sacrifices. He had taken her aside when she returned from the Ori galaxy and thanked her for stopping the Supergate from finishing. Landry felt that SGC had not expressed sufficient gratitude to Vala for her brave, selfless and highly successful actions. He didn't accuse her of being reckless. In fact Landry told her that he was extremely pleased when he was able to applaud bravery that also resulted in success.

He did usually ignore her recommendations and was never reluctant to express his impatience with her. Yet Landry was the one who gave her the team patches. Once he decided that she deserved a place on SG-1 Vala knew that Landry felt she had earned it. And when her father, Jasec, reentered her life she and Landry seemed to have experienced a personal connection when they talked about father and daughter relationships. Though it was a connection that she never fully understood she had meant to discuss it with him at a later date. But she also knew that there was no longer any chance that their talk would happen.


	4. Chapter 4

Daniel lay in his bed with the lights out. Laying there in the dark it didn't surprise him that he was still awake. Thinking about being able to spend tomorrow in the Asgard Library and immersing himself in an unknown culture made Daniel feel as if he was on caffeine high. He was tempted to get up and start writing notes on everything that was racing through his brain. He had so many questions. How would he even begin to choose a culture? Would he have to learn a new language, a new alphabet? Would he have trouble working out how to use the Asgard technology to access their virtual reality system?

As Daniel sat as his desk to jot down his initial notes he began to feel uneasy. He couldn't figure out what was bothering him as he looked around the room. When he saw his bed the feeling intensified. It made no sense to him but his mind seemed to be interpreting his feeling as fear.

He gave up trying to work, attributing his disquiet to the excitement about starting on his project in the morning. Daniel returned to his bed and though he did fall asleep it was not a sound sleep.

In her room Vala's mind was also racing out of control. But she didn't plan to get any sleep tonight. She lay on her bed and gave herself permission to cry as noisily as she wanted for as long as she needed. To weep, sob and shout until she was exhausted. She wouldn't even try to sleep once she finished. Vala would do whatever it took to clear her head and start to deal with her most serious problem, how she would get through the next day, the next week, or however long it was until Sam saved them from their ridiculous predicament.

After Vala was physically spent she felt herself slip effortlessly into survival mode. Once separated from Qetesh and driven from her village in a hail of stones Vala had spent most of her days focusing exclusively on the simple act of continuing to live. After a time she was able to relax a little, to once again see life through her unique and eccentric world view. She was able, with her offbeat sense of humor, to put her own spin on the constant scrabble for survival. As a child Vala had always been a jokester, her father had laughed at her and encouraged her quirky take on life. When her father was gone her step-mother tried to beat it out of her but without success. Her efforts backfired as Vala embraced her sense of humor as a way to emotionally defend herself.

Vala had once thought that Daniel's reaction to the possibility of pain, though it took a very different form from hers, showed how they both tried desperately to hide from life. He hid behind his intellect using his work to keep people from getting too close, while she teased and laughed to keep people at a distance. Vala had liked the idea that they shared a similar emotional dysfunction, though in a very romantic way of course.

While her mother was alive and again when she became engaged she had been happy. After Qetesh Vala never thought about the word happy. It no longer had any meaning.

Every planet had its equivalent of "Sex, drugs and rock & roll" that provided pleasure or at least the absence of pain. And the comfort she found there helped her rebuild, or actually build the Vala persona. As she created a life for herself, criminal though it might have been, she discovered that there were still things that she enjoyed. But finding a small measure of joy in your life didn't mean happiness.

It had snuck up on her and she was shocked when she discovered that living on Earth, becoming a part of SG-1, making friends and falling in love had made her happy. She had quietly hugged her feelings close, feelings she had never expected to experience again. Now she had to accept that again happy no longer existed in her life.

Vala had grown to love the pithy Tauri sayings that seemed so apt to her situations and resonated within her. Vala had picked up a lot of slang and idiomatic English watching television, especially what they called "Day Time" TV. She felt that one of her favorite phrases "Suck it up!" was particularly apropos to her current situation. (Along with the implied instructions to get over it and move on.) You may have been dealt an unplayable hand but why would you expect anything more.

Deep inside she had been waiting for the "other shoe to drop" all of her post Qetesh life. She had never felt that she had been punished enough for the things she has done when she was Qetesh. Her beloved TV shows had introduced her to the concept of "survivor guilt", explaining that she felt responsible for Qetesh's cruelty because she, Vala, had lived through it. It had helped her understand why she hoped that the people from her village would, in fact, kill her. However, Vala had found that simply giving a name to her pain did nothing to lessen it. Understanding a concept might be a part of the solution process but didn't help you forgive yourself.

Vala needed a plan, a strategy, a way to repress her pain and hurt and at least appear to be functioning. She needed a way to implement her plan and achieve her goals. Her first goal, to forget Daniel, was impossible. But she decided that if she could convince the others that she didn't care it would help her distance herself from Daniel. She decided to take a military approach to her problem. She had seen enough television and movies to know that the first and most important thing to do was name her battle plan.

Teal'c would often make recommendations for movies that he thought she might enjoy. They shared a love of "science fiction" the more aliens in the plot the better. One morning she was watching TV and heard an announcer say "Next Dr. Phil is devoting his show to alienation." She heard "Alien Nation" the title of a movie that Teal'c had suggested to her. After a few minutes she realized her mistake. But by then she was enthralled with Dr. Phil. Soon she was watching or tivoing every self-help / self-actualization/ pop psychology show she could find.

In order to make it easier to avoid Daniel she needed to alienate herself the rest of the team. If she could get them to emotionally distance themselves from her it would be easier for her to retreat to the safety of being the Vala they saw.

So Vala decided to name her campaign "Alien Nation". At the least it would make her smile as she worked on her "nefarious" plot. She had chosen the code name "Ming the Merciless" for herself. Whatever agony she would suffer over the next few weeks at least she would go out with a joke or two.


	5. Chapter 5

_I would like to thank JennyLD for her graciousness in encouraging me to complete this story. When she posted the new chapter in her story "Aftermath" I reread the first two chapters posted in July. I panicked when I realized that I seemed to have copied her idea. I forced my friend Liz to read both stories. She told me that, from her point of view, it might be more the case that I was inspired by the other story. She felt that they were different enough that it wouldn't necessarily be considered plagiarism. She also suggested that I contact the author and find out how she felt about it._

_So that was what I ended up doing. I e-mailed the author and received a really nice reply. JennyLD assured me that she was "not bothered by any __similarities between the two" and that she hoped I didn't delete it._

Around 2:00 am Vala was ready to lie down, to try and rest, maybe even sleep. She had written a detailed outline for the next few days. Project "Alien Nation" was ready to go. Vala's plan still revolved around creating a new life, a life away from Daniel. But Vala had also had what she thought might be called an epiphany, the personal discovery that she did love Daniel and therefore she needed to be fair to him. Daniel would be distressed if he thought that he had really upset her. Just as he would if he thought that he had really hurt anyone. Though it would make her life easier if she didn't have to see him, that wouldn't be easiest for him.

This realization had both relaxed her and inspired her to work even harder on her plan, to start down a road leading to both her & Daniel's happiness. She knew that she was going to be thinking about him constantly. It helped ease her pain to focus on how she could help Daniel. Daniel had often told her that she was selfish and thought only of herself. She was delighted to find that didn't have to be true. Vala thought if Daniel knew how she was thinking that it would please him.

If she accepted his apology, insisted that nothing was wrong and then avoided him whenever she could, even clueless Daniel would start to wonder what was happening. Vala would have to convince him that all was well between them and then gradually distance herself from him. She would give him the "space" she had heard so much about. Daniel would bury himself in his work and barely notice, aside from being relieved that she was no longer stalking him and was truly leaving him alone, as she faded from his life

Once they were back at SGC Vala would volunteer her services and skills to other SG teams and gradually ease out of SG-1. At some point she would simply step through the gate to another planet and stay off Earth permanently. Vala had come to love Earth but remaining there without Daniel held little appeal. She didn't plan on continuing her life of crime, feeling that she owed Daniel at least that much. Vala knew she could find a new life for herself that didn't involve crime. She was smart, talented and resourceful.

Leaving SG-1 for another team would be easier if, in addition to Daniel, she had no ties to the rest of the team. Vala was unclear as to how the others really felt about her but she was sure that "Alien Nation" would, perhaps not destroy, but certainly lessen any close feelings they might have.

As a child Vala had been frequently told that she was very intelligent. Though people usually went on to say that she didn't always use her intelligence for the best and the consequences were not always what she expected. She preferred the Tauri phrase "too clever for her own good". Though Alien Nation appeared to be a well thought out, logical, almost full-proof scenario Vala was to discover what it was like to be, in the words of Shakespeare, "hoist by her own petard".


	6. Chapter 6

Daniel woke up slowly, his first thought of coffee. He left his room and headed for what he thought of as the dining room but he suspected was probably more properly referred to as the "mess hall". At SGC there was a cafeteria and as far as he remembered that was what they called it. He would always mean to ask Mitchell but by the time he got there had would had forgotten that he had wanted to ask anything.

Daniel was able to think now that he had inhaled about half a cup of coffee. His first coherent thought was that this morning he was going to start his new Asgard project. As that simple fact sunk in he realized how excited he was, how much he was looking forward to this new, different and unique intellectual challenge. Sam, Mitchell and Landry were eating breakfast and Daniel couldn't wait to tell them about his project. The louder and more intense he became the more he saw their eyes glaze over. They attempted to appear interested, and Daniel recognized that they were interested in the fact that he was thrilled about his new project. However that interest didn't extend to listening to the project's details. They were happy that he was excited and everyone realized that they would see little of Daniel for the next few weeks. If they were lucky Vala would be able to drag him to the occasional meal.

He looked around for Vala, confident that she would share his excitement and actually understand it. Daniel felt a slight shudder when he thought of Vala but put it out of his mind. He didn't see her but Vala rarely made it to breakfast this early. He knew that he would see her when he came back for an early morning coffee break.

On a usual day Daniel arrived first and after chugging two coffees he would take his third morning cup with him. He hadn't slept well last night and was running late. Mitchell, Sam and Landry were already at the table eating. Teal'c had already finished and left. He was usually right behind Daniel and would be leaving just as the others arrived.

Teal'c was aware that many people on the base thought that he was unemotional maybe to the point uncaring. His being quiet seemed to make some people uncomfortable. In fact Teal'c knew that if anything he was too emotional. His love for his family, which included SG-1, was the motivating force behind his life. He knew that they had given him his life back and freed him from the grip of the Gaold. It was a debt he had vowed to himself to repay whenever and in whatever way that he could.

He had trained himself to conceal his feelings but, unlike Daniel, Teal'c did not deny them or attempt to repress them. Jack and Teal'c were actually similar in this way. Jack loved Sam and never denied it to himself. He may have concealed it for his own reasons but he didn't repress his feelings.

Vala frequently told him that "Still waters run deep". He would find himself almost smiling when Vala would tease him. He liked seeing her unreserved enthusiasm and joyful pursuit of assimilation into life on Earth. It had originally been fueled by her love for Daniel. Now Vala was beginning to enjoy life among the Tauri independent of Daniel, though the experience of living with the implanted memories appeared to continue to trouble her. But Teal'c trusted that once she and Daniel admitted that they made each other happy and that they deserved that happiness, the memories would erase themselves.

Teal'c and Vala were the only members of the team who lived at SGC. Daniel may have spent so much time in his office that it seemed as if he lived there but he did have a home outside of work. Mitchell and Sam also worked long hours but they not only had homes off base they also had lives off base. Now that O'Neill was no longer working at SGC he and Sam spent a lot of time together. Teal'c wasn't sure if they realized how obvious they were to anyone who loved them as much as he did.

However Teal'c also had a life on Chulak and was able to frequently visit. Consequently Vala was frequently alone on the base. She had developed many friendly acquaintances at SGC but she would seek out Teal'c when she was lonely. They would sit quietly together talking only when they had something to say. Vala would laugh when she thought what Daniel would make of a quiet introspective Vala.

Both Vala and Teal's were the epitome of outsiders. In addition to being actual not of this planet "aliens" they had shared comparable experiences that were of great significance in their lives. Experiences that painfully drew them close to each other. Both of their lives had been intertwined with the Goa'uld in ways that it was almost impossible for others to comprehend. As a host Vala had participated in the type of atrocities that Teal'c had witnessed. Teal'c, as First Prime, had participated in his own atrocities in the name of his gods. Both of them lived with their guilt as best they could. And each of them felt more responsible than the other.

Vala's view was that Teal'c had been a true believer, convinced that what he did was right. And when he realized that the Goa'uld were false gods he rectified the situation and dedicated himself to their destruction. Whereas she had known that she was being used to fool innocent people to make them believe the Goa'uld were gods. She had been unable to stop her body no matter how much her mind rebelled. Once free she slunk away ashamed that she hadn't been strong enough and tried to forget. Her nightmares testified to her failure to forget. Though she did learn well how to repress and deny her feelings. She and Daniel could give lessons to people in pain.

While Teal'c felt that she was an innocent and unwilling participant in her actions. In contrast he had willingly taken part in the subjugation of his people and others. Vala had explained "survivor's guilt" to Teal'c but it offered them little comfort. Each continued to believe that the other deserved forgiveness but each knew that the other would not accept it.

They no longer needed to talk about their past lives. They would sit together quietly and relax. Vala would turn off the frenetic Vala and Teal'c the completely stoic public Teal'c.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

_A very nice notesomeone posted about the lack of action and dialog in this story made me realize that I should have put a disclaimer at the start of Chapter One. "Alien Nation" has worked out to be more of a compilation of character back stories than an actual story. There will be a resolution to Vala and Daniel's tortured scene from the first chapter but it won't exactly be action packed. Sorry to those readers who have been disappointed._

Vala was watching the clock closely as she went over the time line for Day One of Alien Nation. The most critical aspect of her plan was perfect timing. Everything hinged on timing; it was one of the most important details of a complicated long-term swindle. In every part of life timing was always everything.

The only thing more important is that you believe, with all your heart, what ever it is that you need your victim to believe. The mark will see through you if you have any doubts or hesitation. You had to be able to move beyond lying to a state of emotional Neverland. It was no surprise that Vala had become one of J. M. Barrie's most ardent fans. She hadn't decided yet if she was Peter Pan or Tinker Bell. Captain Hook seemed too obvious but more than anything she knew there was no possible way that was she Wendy!

All too soon Vala was standing outside of the Asgard Library and focusing on what she needed Daniel to believe. Vala had written a script and then thrown it away. That was part of her method, a diametric way to plan spontaneity.

Vala opened the door and stuck her head in. She took a moment to look at Daniel, to wallow in how much she loved him, how beautiful he was and other maudlin sentiments. In the past she would have considered such thoughts a sign of weakness or even insanity. But she, more than anyone, was keenly aware that "shit happens". No one can control everything or actually anything in their life.

With the widest grin she could conjure up slapped across her face Vala called to him "Hello Daniel."

He picked up his head and, looking somewhat disoriented, replied "Vala. I wanted to apologize to you …"

Vala cut him off in mid-sentence "I am more than happy to accept what I am sure is your heartfelt apology. Yes, I admit that I was upset last night but it was only because you were yelling at me for such a long time and with such anger. So I just left your room and assumed that we would work it our today."

"Later I thought about why you were so angry. I couldn't think of anything that I could have done. I had to conclude that you were angry at the universe because of what had happened to the Asgard."Vala continued "I don't think that it was entirely fair for you to take it out on me. Though of course you know that you should feel free to take anything out on me that you want!

Her explanation appealed to Daniel and for that moment he was able to convince himself that Vala was right. Before he could say anything Vala asked him a question.

"Daniel, can I convince you to come with me and get something to eat?" She had worked out her timing. He had just finished his mid-morning coffee and wouldn't even consider stopping work to eat for at least three hours.

Vala waited smiling, clenching her jaw and muscles, in order to hold the carefree smile. She barely waited for him to refuse before waving and saying "Maybe another time. I don't want to interfere with your work darling!"

She turned, closing the door as her smile changed to a grimace of pain. Tonight she was going to practice a smile that would be easier to sustain. It might mean an evening in front of a mirror but it could be worse. She certainly was experienced with mirrors.

Daniel had been pleased to see Vala and happy that there was no fallout from their quarrel. He had been dreading tears, pouting, and all manner of emotional drama. But now Daniel couldn't have explained why her casual manner didn't please him as much as he would have expected. He felt that he should have been more relieved.

Daniel knew that it hadn't actually been a quarrel but an attack on her by him. For now he would, as usual, take the path of least resistance and accept her interpretation of their altercation.

Back in her room Vala cried but she felt happy. She had accomplished her goal. Daniel could rest easy and never have to realize how much he had hurt her. In her own small way she would be able to protect him. The rest of her visits could never be as painful as that first one.

Now she only had to trust Sam to get them off this cold and sterile flying metal box. Vala was sure a breakthrough would happen soon. She knew that she could only play this role for one or two more weeks. She was a good actress but even she had her limits. Once back on Earth she would be able to expend all her energy on extricating herself from SG-1.


	8. Chapter 8

_I truly mean no disrespect to Sha're and I apologize in advance to anyone that I upset. Howeve,r I do agree with Vala._

Her second visit to Daniel didn't go as well as she had expected. Vala hadn't prepared herself for a situation in which it almost seemed that Daniel was trying to keep her in the Library. She had been ready for a quick hit and run maneuver. She would open the door, ask him to eat with her and run out as soon as he turned down her offer.

It started out as she had expected. Daniel was intensely involved in his studies. That would enable her to say hello and ask him her question before he had time to switch back to Odyssey reality from the Asgard virtual reality. But Daniel was taking too long before he refused to take a break. She had carefully chosen a time when, in the past, he would have never allowed her to cajole him into joining her. Daniel was looking at her but he wasn't saying anything. Completely unprepared she found herself starting to answer no for him. It felt as if she was going to have to persuade him to not come with her!

In full-blown panic mode Vala began to speak quickly and loudly, teasing him and making sexual innuendos. She prayed that Daniel wouldn't notice that what she was saying made no sense at all. It was beyond being out of context; there was no context at all. Fortunately for her plan it seemed that suggestive words accompanied by a wink and a smirk were enough for send him scurrying back to his work.

Once the door was closed Vala leaned against the wall and tried to catch her breath. She was in absolute shock. She couldn't believe how badly she had botched the visit. This might turn out to be harder than she had expected.

However much of a challenge Daniel might turn out to be Vala was confident that the team part of her Alien Nation plot would be a piece of cake. Ever since she had met Cam's mother she wanted to say piece of pie. Thinking about how nice his parents had been to her almost gave her pause. But she knew she had to forge ahead to the next step without wavering.

Vala returned to her room to go over her playbook. Next she had to get the team to pull away from her, to see her as an outsider, to sever any emotional ties there might be between them. Vala had to make leaving SG-1 it as easy on herself as possible. She was working very hard, perhaps not as successfully as she had hoped, to distance herself from Daniel. Vala had to believe that the others would be just as pleased whether or not she was a member of their little club. And if they weren't yet she would make sure that they were soon.

Daniel felt disquieted once Vala had left the Library and he had no idea why. When she first came to the door he had wanted to talk to her about his project. She hadn't been around when he was choosing which culture to immerse himself in. He had chosen a strong matriarchal society where all power, influence and property were controlled by the women. He thought that she would appreciate it and had tried to anticipate what witty, silly and inappropriate remarks would come out of her mouth. He was going to ask her to come in so that he could talk to her about it when she started with that sexy flirty thing she did that made him so angry.

Late that night when Daniel finally took a break and returned to his quarters before he went to bed he started making notes about his project. It ended up being notes on what he wanted to share with Vala. As he wrote he thought of her and how she would enjoy working with him and the insight that he was sure she would provide. Vala had spent time in a wide variety of cultures and in her line of work you had to be able to gain acceptance which required the ability to genuinely empathize with a society. It sounded a little strange to use the word genuinely in a sentence about Vala. But he knew that it was true.

That night, as every night, Vala thought about Daniel. She relived in her mind how scared she was that she was losing control of the situation with Daniel. That thought reminded her of how alike they were in many ways.

Vala knew from watching her television shows that she was a classic "control freak" and that she had serious "control issues". In her defense she thought she should be cut some slack. Having a snake in control of you for ten years could cause some legitimate psychological issues. Surely she couldn't be blamed if she felt an overpowering need to exert control over all aspects of her life. In fact she had realized that she loved Daniel when she was willing to even consider allowing him to influence how she lived her life.

She wasn't sure if Daniel would qualify as a "control freak" but he certainly had issues. Daniel's lack of control over his life started with the death of his parents, continued with his grandfather's rejection and the loss of his wife, a wife who was taken over by an evil parasite that exerted ultimate control over her.

Vala did not like to think of herself as the jealous bitch she was concerning the saintly, perfect Sha're. But once again Daniel had no control over his life. His wife was given to him. And Vala was very suspicious about that situation. The whole tribal leader gives his beautiful daughter to the dashing heroic stranger routine was a little outmoded. Especially on planets where they had been forced to give their men, women and children to the gods.

Vala didn't blame Sha're. In her situation she would have done the same. Comparing Daniel to her other prospects would be quite an incentive. And what woman wouldn't be thrilled to get a good looking, innocent, gentle, and inexperienced man that was eager to please.

Vala in no way thought that Sha're didn't love Daniel. Or that he didn't love her. She did suspect that for all her soft, feminine and shy ways Sha're had been the one in control of their relationship. Daniel had only started to actively and forcefully take control of his life after he went looking for Sha're after she was taken as a host. And once she was gone he worked on keeping his emotions under tight control in order to avoid being hurt. And now his understandable need and desire for control influenced all aspects of his life.


	9. Chapter 9

Back in her room Vala went over her next steps. She was going to make Sam, Mitchell and Landry see her as "alien" not from Earth, an outsider to whom they would find it difficult to relate. She knew that Teal'c wouldn't be fooled, but she trusted him to stay quiet and not say anything. He might approach her later when she was alone. Vala was sure that she could convince Teal'c that it would be easier for her to leave Daniel and her new life on Earth if she had little emotional ties with the others. However, she would try to avoid him until she had gotten a good start on her project. The results would be proof of how easy it would be for them to pull away from her.

The first step would be to start altering her looks; in order to subtlety make them see her as "different". She would make the changes gradually but was convinced that it would work. Vala liked to refer to the transformation as "alienating" herself.

As Vala planned the superficial physical changes she would make to help "alienate" herself, she knew that at least she wouldn't have to change her hair and make-up back when she went to visit Daniel in the Library. Once he pulled himself away from his books he was unlikely to look at her closely enough to notice anything different in her appearance.

Vala took out her pigtails, washed and dried her hair but didn't curl it. She had to decide if she should go with her leather outfit look with her hair up or her straight hair Qetesh style. She had been wearing curls and pig tails for most of the time recently so she decided to go straight. It wasn't very alien but it was a different look for her.

Make-up was next. Vala would add more exotic looking eye make-up and use a darker blush to highlight and exaggerate her cheek bones. She had been watching sci-fi television shows to see how "alien" women were made to look "alien". Having green or blue skin seemed to be popular. She was afraid that might be a little obvious, but perhaps she could start with a very pale green cast to her skin after a few days. The women with dark hair often looked like what she had been told were gypsies. When they were blonde their hair was often a very artificial looking color and they looked like what she had been told were bimbos.

Clothes came next. On TV the blonde alien women wore brightly colored long or very, very short dresses that sparkled. The dark-haired "aliens" tended to wear darker colors, often leather, and looked like they were from what the Tau'ri would consider a more primitive society. Vala decided to start by wearing jeans and a tee shirt for awhile instead of her BDU. Then she would move on to what she liked to call her Dolce & Gabbana Tok'ra outfit. She had worn it on P8X-412 where she had pretended that she was still Qetesh. Her black leather outfits looked more Goth than "alien". The others may not know exactly what Goth was as a fashion statement but she didn't think it wouldn't look all that "alien" to them.

That particular Qetesh gown was a Tok'ra sand color and the fabric also looked Tok'ra. When she looked at it she couldn't understand why she would have ever found it attractive. The Tok'ra were not known for their style. But it did look different from most "normal" Earth clothes. She was looking forward to having a costume to wear; it would help her more easily slip into character.

While she worked to look more "alien" she would prepare what she knew would be her biggest success. That next step would be food. Food was very important in most cultures and in peoples' lives. [It certainly was in hers! Groups often used food to distinguish themselves from other groups, each ones identity reflected in the differences. And Vala had a fantastic scheme that would start to play out tonight.

Vala looked into the mess to make absolutely sure that Daniel was not there. It wasn't likely that he would break for dinner unless someone dragged him away from his studies. She bounded into the room in what she considered her normal way, smiling at everyone and asking what was for dinner. If anyone noticed her change in hair style they didn't mention it. Nor did they remark on her jeans.

Sam asked "Vala weren't you able to talk Daniel into eating?"

"He wasn't interested and I decided not to try and force him. He is very excited about his new project."

She ate much more slowly than usual and tried to look very thoughtful. With a faint frown Vala put down her fork and said "I am getting a little tired of your Tau'ri food"

Mitchell looked up at her. "Are you kidding? I have never seen anyone enjoy "Earth" food more than you." Using air quotes around the word Earth. Raising his eyebrows he said "Remember I saw you eat a whole pie!"

Vala had to smile when she thought of that pie. But she quickly changed it to a slightly sad smile saying "I miss the food of my own planet, the food my mother used to make."

"I know what you mean Vala "agreed Mitchell. "Sometimes I really miss my Aunt Emma's special dishes."

Sam suggested"Vala why don't you make one of your dishes with dinner tomorrow?"

Landry and Mitchell agreed with Sam and both encouraged her to cook one of her mother's dishes.

Teal'c looked quizzically at her. He didn't think her planet had any special types of food or dishes. Her village was very poor having been stripped of their best foodstuffs by Qetesh. They cooked and ate simple stews and soups like most farmers. The planet had no exotic animals, vegetables or fruits. In actuality her planet's cuisine was considered extremely dull and tasteless. Not at all like the food of the Jaffa which was highly prized by many.

Teal'c also doubted that Vala would have any food that she considered "hers". She had lived on many different planets and eaten many different dishes in those years since she had been taken. And he found her apparent sentimentality about her home questionable. She had no love for step-mother and the whole villagers stoning the host episode didn't lend itself to being homesick. But Teal'c decided to see where Vala was going with her charade before he spoke up.

Smiling wanly Vala said "Maybe I should do that. Though our cuisine is considered very exotic and usually isn't enjoyed by other races"

"Perhaps I will cook my favorite dish tomorrow night"

Everyone agreed that it might be a nice change for them all.

Vala had to almost run out of the room as she tried to hold back her laughter. She had sprung her trap. Vala would present the most foul smelling, disgusting looking and awful tasting stew she could create. She had already decided to have at least three different sized eyeballs floating in the dish. Vala decided that the color should be greenish yellow. And she knew exactly what the texture would be. Someone had once tried to feed her boiled okra. Vala had never seen a slimier vegetable.

After their encouragement they would have to at least try a bite or two to be polite. Though she wouldn't be surprised if Teal'c ate it. She had been served some pretty gross food on Chulak. Jaffa food was held in great disregard among most civilized planets.

The others would find her cooking unpleasant at the very least but were unlikely to openly criticize it. After one more meal she was sure that they would agree with her when she suggested that she eat her special food either before or after they ate. They would be happy that she came up with a solution to the problem on her own.

Not eating with them would be a help. Eating together was usually a very lively fun time for them all. At least she wouldn't have to eat alone for long. Vala was sure that Sam would have them free any day now.

Vala would make sure that her food was very "alien". It would be difficult for them to imagine anyone but an "alien" enjoying the disgusting messes she would prepare.


	10. Chapter 10

Vala wanted to make sure that Daniel would think that she had been in to bother him on and off all day. She had seen him in the morning and late afternoon so far today, and decided on an additional late evening visit. It should keep him from noticing that she hadn't been around as much since their recent unpleasantness. She didn't exactly know what she should call it. Fight, altercation, disagreement. It was different than their usual arguments and bickering. Their squabbles were intense at times, but that night the tone was very dark and Daniel sounded almost desperate as well as angry.

Sometimes, before that night, their heated exchanges would make her want to laugh in mid-argument. Vala had seen a movie where one of the characters had described a couple's antagonistic banter as sexual foreplay. Vala knew that whatever had happened between them afterwards, during their time the Prometheus it had been just that. Vala often thought about what would have happened if she hadn't been caught quite so soon.

Before she entered the room Vala leaned against the door jab and watched Daniel working. She thought about all that had happened between them and wondered when and why Daniel's feelings seem to have taken such an almost hostile turn.

Vala was tired and felt worn out; she hadn't realized what hard work putting project "Alien Nation" into motion would be. In the past the scheming and planning involved in a detailed "con" and the subsequent performance had, if anything energized her. Though to be truthful her motivation in the past had been survival and self-preservation. Having an emotional objective was a new and frightening experience, especially when she was truly ambivalent about the eventual outcome. Vala knew that she couldn't continue to spend so much of her time with Daniel because she loved him. But because she did love him she wanted to continue to spend all of her time with him.

Vala also knew that retreating from the rest of the team would be necessary before she could leave. Yet part of her wanted to feel closer to them too. To say the least Vala felt conflicted. She was convinced that they barely tolerated her. But then she would recall feelings of friendship that felt true.

Vala knew that she had to shake off any doubts she might have and focus on the game. She closed her eyes and prepared to smile, laugh and flirt with Daniel.

During the past three months Vala had been spending a lot of time in the Library with Daniel. She was getting better at reading a number of the languages used in the database. At times Daniel seemed surprised at how effortlessly Vala was able to pick up a new language. She had an excellent memory, but most of all, she possessed the skills needed for the art of translation. Simply knowing the definitions of the words in a sentence or passage didn't guarantee that you understood the meaning. Daniel had once been told by his linguistic professor that it took a natural poet to be a good translator.

Daniel had grown to admire Vala's easy facility with languages and her seemingly natural aptitude for interpreting the nature and social structure of a people. When they worked together Daniel had learned to trust and rely on her. He wasn't sure when he had first started to realize that.

He would get an unusual feeling as he watched her immerse herself in an epic tale or poem from a lost civilization. He would think about teasing her about acting just like he did when she tried to get him to break away from his studies. Daniel wasn't sure why he never did tease her.

Vala did her research in a seemingly random fashion. She claimed that she enjoyed turning things up by serendipity and that it was an effective method for her. And Daniel was unable to argue with her success. Vala had recently discovered the word serendipity and took advantage of any excuse to use it. She had read the definition from the Merriam-Webster dictionary out loud to Daniel "the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for". Vala told Daniel that she felt it pretty much summed up her life. She was careful not to mention that he was the most agreeable thing she had found so far in her empty and aimless life.

While Vala lean against the door with her eyes closed Daniel looked up. When he saw her eyes were closed he waited for her to speak first. Daniel noticed that Vala's hair was straight, with no curls, no pigtails. She looked more like she had when they first met on the Prometheus. When he thought about that he couldn't stop a soft smile from crossing his face.

When Daniel returned to SGC and wrote up his official mission report, he described the events with the minimal amount of details that he thought he could get away with. As he wrote the report he replayed in his mind everything that had happened on the Prometheus. He was shocked to realize that all he could think about was how much fun it had been. It seemed odd to him that on some level he had actually enjoyed getting shot, healed, beaten up, lied to, and not least of all kissed! He was surprised that he knew somehow that Vala had also been having fun.

He suspected that revealed some strange things about both of them. Perhaps he had felt liberated by the fact that she knew nothing about him. That Vala had no preconceived notions about Dr. Daniel Jackson, noted anthropologist. He did know that when their adventures were over he had wished that they had had more time together.


	11. Chapter 11

Vala opened her eyes and yelled out "Hey, Daniel. How are things going? Do you want to take a break with me?"

Daniel had been looking at her when she opened her eyes. Vala didn't know how long she had stood there with her eyes shut but knew it couldn't have been for more than a thirty seconds. Vala would have been shocked to learn that Daniel had been watching her for almost five minutes.

Vala had learned from her earlier mistakes and knew to move quickly. Once again Daniel looked as if he might actually agree to come with her. But he appeared hesitant and uncertain about what to say. He simply said her name "Vala …"

She kept smiling and spoke right over anything he might have started to say. "I know darling. You are much too involved and there is no way that I could convince you to come with me. Though I am more than willing to try and entice you with the temptation of a strenuous sexual romp in my room!"

The same thing happened as it had at her last visit. When she started her usual sexual overtures, his face went blank. She hadn't noticed that when she first spoke to Daniel he had been smiling. But it had turned to a grimace before she had finished her last sentence.

Daniel had been excited as he waited for her to open her eyes. He wasn't really sure why he was smiling but thought that it might actually be that he was glad to see her and wanted to tell her what he had been doing. He planned on going with her when she asked. Then she started with her verbal sexual advances before he was able to say anything beyond her name. Daniel slipped easily into his standard defensive practice of refusing to take notice of what she said once she started to proposition him.

Vala could tell that it was working. She could feel him withdraw from her. But she wanted to be absolutely sure that he would give her his disgusted look and return to his studies. Vala thought that she was safe but she wanted to be certain. As Daniel started to put his head down Vala laughed and started up with a string of sexually explicit terms, descriptions of what she would do to him if her would join her, all in a confused jumble of words and phrases. She was relieved when Daniel seemed to blush and turned his back to her. Vala skipped quickly out the door and down the hall towards her quarters.

If Vala hadn't left so quickly she would have seen Daniel turn back and look towards the door. To his disappointment Vala was gone before he had finished preparing what he would say to her. He had noticed that before he looked down to collect his thoughts that she had an odd look on her face, almost as if she was trying to escape.

Daniel tried to remember exactly what she had said after her initial invitation He knew there was her usual offer of passion and sex, and during the time he took deciding how to accept her dinner offer. Daniel may have appeared to ignore her attempts to entice him, but as usual he was listening to her more than either of them realized. Daniel was suddenly struck by the fact that her last sentences weren't actual sentences at all. They were, in fact, nonsense.

In his mind he shoved aside any questions he had about what that might have meant. Daniel decided to think about it later. Tonight when he wrote his notes he would try to make some sense out of it. He had done some exciting work today and was looking forward to writing in what he now called Vala's journal. Daniel had found that writing notes meant for her to read helped clarify his analysis. Once Daniel was unable to discuss his work with Vala he started to realize how much he wanted and needed to talk with her, to share his questions, his thoughts, his theories and observations. Daniel had to settle for writing it all down for her.

Vala turned the corner and came to a dead stop. Her heart was racing and she felt that she had averted a disaster. It made no sense for her to feel panicked, everything was going as planned. It was time to shake it off and plan her "dinner".

Entering her room she couldn't quite shake her feeling of dread. Fortunately while off-world she had managed to get her hands on a large bottle of a delicious and very powerful alcoholic beverage called Fillip Nectar. She got the bottle out of her drawer, didn't bother with a glass and took a large swig. Vala rarely drank. Mitchell had been indoctrinating her to the wonder that was beer and she did enjoy it. But it didn't suit her current purpose.

Vala was well aware that alcohol, while it could temporarily numb her emotions, wouldn't change the basis of her problems. But tonight Vala really didn't care; she needed to feel completely out of control. She took another large swallow and went to the closet, bottle in hand, to dig up one of her "treasures".

Daniel didn't pay much, if any, attention to his personal belongings. They would be strewn around his office and he was constantly misplacing all types of things. So he had no idea that Vala had appropriated one of his sweaters. On bad nights she would wear it to bed. It was much too large for her body but it comforted her to wrap it around herself . So Vala sat up in bed, wrapped in his sweater, and drinking herself into oblivion. The Prometheus had available a large library of music which you could play in your room whenever you wanted. Before getting into bed Vala had chosen to play, very loudly, what was called "heavy metal" music. With Led Zeppelin and Metallica blasting in her ears she proceeded to drink herself into oblivion.

The next morning at breakfast Sam and Mitchell looked questioningly at each other when Daniel came in for his usual coffee and sat down with them.

Strolling in Landry said "Good morning Dr. Jackson. How are you? I'm not used to seeing you in the morning except as a coffee carrying blur."

Daniel replied "Good morning. I thought that it would be nice to spend a little time with everyone. I have been involved in my new project and feel like I have become a little isolated."

They all expressed their delight that his new project was so enthralling to him. At the same time praying that he wouldn't try and explain it to them as he had before.

Daniel asked, as off-handedly as he could "Do you think that Vala will be coming by this morning?"

His question tickled Mitchell to no end. He often wondered when Daniel and Vala would realize how well they fit together and act on it. Now when they went on missions Mitchell no longer told Jackson and Vala to pair up. The two of them simply fell naturally into step even before they went through the Gate. They also seemed to start arguing while still inside the wormhole! Once on a planet they would try to maneuver in front of each other constantly jockeying for the lead. Frequently pushing against each other with their bodies and shoving the other one aside with their hands.

Mitchell would flash back to having a crush in Middle School. You would find a wide variety of ways to make physical contact with each other and then pretend that you didn't know why. Vala and Daniel seemed genuinely unaware of how they were acting.

When it seemed that there might be any trouble or danger they would hurriedly look around until they saw the other one and then visibly relaxed. It was unbelievable that both of them could be so oblivious.

Mitchell had to ask "Did she tell you that she would meet you here?"

"No. Actually I haven't seen a lot of her lately."

Sam stifled a laugh at the idea of Vala not spending all of her available time with Daniel. She would find Vala working with Daniel in the Library or his office almost every time she walked by or stopped in to chat. Vala did stop to eat, often, and would arrange team events, basketball games, movie nights, etc. Somehow she had talked them into Karaoke once and even more incredible into charades more than once!

Daniel would skip meals but had surprised Sam by participating in a lot of the activities Vala set up for the team. Sam loved to see him smiling and laughing, playing ball, even charades. He did draw the line at Karaoke. But though he didn't sing he did stay and share the experience and enjoy himself. During the last three months Sam had been convinced that Vala was more than "good for him". She might be his salvation, his last chance for some happiness in his life after so much pain.

All Sam managed to get out was "Okay, if that's your story."

Mitchell added "Whatever you say Dr. Jackson."

Even Landry smiled at the idea of a Vala-less Daniel Jackson.

Teal'c had come in and having listened to Daniel said one quiet word. "Indeed."

The others thought that it was an expression of his disbelief with Daniel's claim. However it was not disbelief but disquiet. Teal'c believed Daniel. The others thought that Daniel must have been working so intently that he hadn't noticed Vala right next to him. Teal'c had noticed that when he found them working together, both of them deeply involved in their research, Vala would immediately run towards him. She would jump up with her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist saying "Hello Muscles. Long time no see." Vala said it even if they had met in the hall only fifteen minutes before. It took longer for Daniel to notice his presence. And Teal'c was convinced that what Daniel noticed first was, not him, but that Vala was no longer near him. Teal'c believed that Daniel had not been seeing Vala. What he was concerned about was why not.

Teal'c had observed that Daniel was happy when he was with Vala and that Vala was happy with him. But he was worried that Daniel would take too long to figure out his feelings. That Daniel might end up driving Vala away before he realized how much he loved and needed her. Even if Vala believed that Daniel loved her, if he didn't declare his love, her conviction that she didn't deserve to be happy would enable her to leave him. And then it might be too late for either of them.

Teal'c was a warrior but didn't think of himself as usually a violent man. He often felt almost like a father to Daniel, wanting to protect him but also to set him on the correct path. Lately Teal'c had thought more than once about beating Daniel with a very large stick. It might not have helped Daniel and Vala but, selfish as it might be, perhaps it would make him feel better.

Vala deserved to be happy with someone. Vala had chosen Daniel and, though he might not yet be aware of it, he had chosen her. Teal'c felt obligated to the two of them to help them. It was his love for them both that created this obligation. Devotion to family was very important to all Jaffa. And Teal'c was now prepared, with the best motives and intentions, to interfere in their lives.


	12. Chapter 12

Daniel wasn't sure what was going on. He had been telling everyone that he hadn't seen much of Vala lately and the group seemed to be reacting oddly. He couldn't imagine why but he thought that Sam and Mitchell were trying to suppress an emotion he just didn't know what emotion. Landry was smiling which wasn't unusual, but he seemed to be directing his smile at Daniel. And Teal'c was acting the strangest of all. Daniel sensed that Teal'c was upset, possibly even angry. That happened so rarely that Daniel concluded that he had misread Teal'c "indeed." After so many years together Daniel prided himself on his ability to comprehend the myriad interpretations of Teal'c's "indeed". And he had picked up anger, and it seemed to be directed at him! It was all in all a strange experience.

Daniel gave up waiting to see if Vala would come to breakfast. He thought of swinging by her room to see if she was up but kept on walking past her door. He made a conscious decision to put her out of his mind for now but was struck that it was increasingly difficult to stop thinking about her. Daniel thought that maybe he wanted to see her so he that could be sure that their friendship had survived his emotional outburst and in fact she had accepted his apology.

Daniel was afraid that he also had to consider that maybe missing her was more of a distraction than having her with him provoking him constantly.

Vala woke up or at least attempted to. Getting out of bed took an extreme effort, at least one hour and about five tries before she was actually up and out of bed. Two of the tries ended up with her hanging off the bed halfway to the floor. She was thinking about letting go and just falling but correctly surmised that it would be a lot more difficult to get up from the floor rather than the bed.

It had been quite a long time since Vala had felt so badly after a bout of indulgence. If her evening could even qualify as wicked and depraved without the wild sex, without any form of fun at all and being completely alone crying in your beer (or in this case Fillip Nectar). Vala had wanted to go down swinging but at the moment she felt like she was on the swing.

Originally Vala had big plans for today, but she would have to shelve them until she could think without this mind numbing pain. Looking at herself in the mirror she decided that at least there was no need to add to her "alien" look. Her skin was naturally green this morning.

Vala decided that it made sense to wait another day before she created her mother's favorite recipe. Surely if she threw up while serving the food it might give her away. After thinking about it Vala was actually glad that she would be postponing the "alien" meal. In her rush to remove herself from close contact with Daniel she might actually be impeding the execution of her plan. Once she and her "delicious meals" resulted in her eating by herself she might have trouble keeping the "con" going. If they didn't get off the ship in a week or two everything might fall apart. Putting the brakes on the food piece of the "con" would make it more effective. If you move too fast you might alert the "mark" and scare them off. Another day of her whimpering about home cooked meals would increase their encouragement and insistence that she do exactly what she wanted to do. The ideal move results in getting the "mark" to not only suggest but to insist that you initiate your swindle. The "mark" needs to feel in charge and in control of the situation.

Vala continued to have a strange uneasy feeling about Daniel. She was worried that she would expose her charade if he ever came with her when she invited him to eat. Vala knew that Daniel only wanted to spend time with her because he wanted to feel confident that she had accepted his apology. But she wasn't at all sure that she could convincingly pull that off in her emotional present state. Plus a killer hangover wouldn't help out the situation either.

Maybe once her "alien" food ploy worked she would feel more confident of her skills for pretence (which meant, for all intents and purposes, strategic lying). It turned out that she was having a lot of trouble staying strong and focused on the Daniel part of her plan. Vala missed him and was surprised that it was not just for the pleasure of being with him.

In the past months they had started to work together and she had enjoyed it. They continued to argue and disagree but not about the research. She and Daniel would fight over when to eat, what to eat, where to eat, even over who got to query the Asgard database first when they started working. But they didn't really fight about the work. If they disagreed it was a different type of disagreement more of a difference of opinion. Vala was starting to realize that she missed the actual research.

When she thought about it Vala was more than a little pissed off that she wasn't getting a chance to use the Asgard ethnographic field work database. When she had come upon it Vala was excited because she knew Daniel would be thrilled by the system. But she was also thrilled for herself and couldn't wait to check it out. She had hoped that there was an easy way for multiple users to simultaneously experience the same place. Otherwise she suspected they would be fighting over how to divide the access time. Once they were back at SGC Vala would insist that she get a working copy of the system. And, she assured herself, not just because it would mean that they might be experiencing the same culture at the same time. It was a strictly intellectual desire. She did have the grace to laugh out loud at herself for that ridiculously delusional lie.

Vala wondered if Daniel missed working with her. She did remember him saying something, that horrendous night, about being proud of her behavior on a professional level. That thought had been more than overshadowed by what followed about the impossibility of a personal relationship between them.

Once again "sucking it up" she made plans for the rest of the day. She wouldn't go by the Library but simply head to the mess for lunch. The rest of the team would be sure to notice her missing a meal. But they wouldn't really notice Daniel not coming to lunch. Vala decided to sneak through the halls towards the mess and if she saw Daniel there she would quietly continue past the door. If he wasn't there she would go in and eat quickly keeping an ear out for his footsteps. Vala had learned to eat quickly at home. Her step-mother had been known to decide arbitrarily that a meal was over no matter how much time had passed. Later on in her life at times once you found food you might not have much time to eat it or to eat it before someone else tried to take it from you. Mitchell said that she ate like a dog guarding her meal against all comers. She liked his comment. Vala loved dogs and wasn't bothered by being compared to an animal. It was certainly apropos. Once again Mitchell had been struck that Vala might be a liar but he didn't think she lied to herself. There weren't many beautiful women he would dare compare to a dog without a fear of death.

If Daniel did show up she would have a believable excuse ready and leave before there was time for any questions. For the rest of the day she would only leave her room for meals, being careful to avoid Daniel whenever possible. And if they ended up in the same room she would have to convince him that all was right with the world and that she felt no animosity towards "her Daniel."

Though her complexion had a nice natural "alien" green tint she wanted to continue with the changes in her outfits. Vala had kept caches of clothes all over the system of "Gated" planets. You may need to create a disguise with little notice and clothes could make the woman. That was how she was able to appear to be Qetesh when they returned to one of "her" former planets. She had just accessed her stash of clothing.

Vala was saving her Qetesh gown for tomorrow night's special dinner. For today she decided to go with black leather, but one of her more subdued outfits. No studded dog collar effects, in fact, no metal or chrome at all. A girl couldn't go wrong with tight leather pants and a black tee shirt. It might not be alien but it didn't look very military though maybe sort of modern day Mata Hari.

Now that she had Mata Hari on the brain she had to work hard to keep from giggling as she was slinking around the corridors trying to avoid running into an archeologist she was in love with, stuck on a spaceship in a time dilation bubble, unsure of when they would return to real world time. Vala loved the phrase "laughing in the face of danger". But at the moment she was laughing in the face of the ridiculousness that was her life! If she wasn't trying so hard to muffle her merriment the descriptive term "pathetic loser" would have surely sprung to mind.


	13. Chapter 13

Vala smiled brightly at everyone sitting around the table and said hello. She sat down with her food and started to eat even more quickly than usual, looking up at the door after every bite to see if Daniel was coming. Everyone knew that she was looking for Daniel and assumed that she was hoping to see him. Except for Teal'c, who could tell that she was apprehensive about something which he thought was the possibility of Daniel actually coming in the door.

"So princess, weren't you able to drag your prince charming away from the library to eat with you?' asked Mitchell. "How is he doing? He was at breakfast this morning looking for you. Just how early does he expect you to start assisting him with whatever it is he's been doing in there?"

Vala replied "No, Daniel wasn't hungry enough to put aside his work, which is nothing new."

"His work is going very well and he has been working extremely long days. The research using the Asgard ethnographic database is very exciting and the research is very rewarding. I'm going to try very hard to get him to eat with all of us one of these days. But it may be at least a week before he will be able to tear himself away"

Everyone, except Teal'c, stopped listening after she said the words "Asgard ethnographic". They had already heard the pitch from Daniel, in great detail, which had been more than enough times. Vala had been counting on that.

Teal's watched Vala closely and he could see when he looked at her face that she was, if not lying, was being deceptive. She implied that she was spending time with Daniel though she never actually said so directly. Teal'c was unsure what was causing Vala to ignore Daniel and at the same time trying to convince the others that everything was normal. And he couldn't figure out what was going on with her hair and clothes. She was working some angle, he just couldn't imagine what results she hoped to realize. Since she wasn't spending time with Daniel the recent changes might have something to do with the rest of their group.

Teal'c felt it could be three things, or some variation or amalgamation of them . Perhaps Vala was trying some sort of "hard to get" routine to elicit a reaction from Daniel. But he didn't see that as Vala's "style." She may have decided to give up on him and was trying to ease herself out of Daniel's life. In that case Teal'c would imagine she would think she should also distance herself from the rest of SG-1. However, what he feared might have happened was that Daniel somehow convinced her that he didn't love her and wanted nothing to do with her.

Teal'c didn't want to think about what Daniel might have done to make Vala believe it. Or, what might be worse, if he hadn't even meant to or even worse that he didn't realize that he had been successful. If it had been anyone else but Daniel it wouldn't have occurred to Teal'c that a person could emotionally destroy another person without really meaning to or not even completely realize the consequences of his actions. He did know that if Vala decided that she had to cut all her ties to Daniel, to SG-1 and to all of SGC it would be difficult to stop her. He would bide his time and move once he was sure which interpretation of the situation was correct.

Having bolted down her lunch Vala headed out the door. Sam called out to her as she left "Tell Daniel we miss him."

Vala answered, "Of course. No problem!"

Vala hadn't lied. At lunch she never said that they were working together and she would gladly give Daniel Sam's message the next time she spoke to him. Though if her plan worked that would not happen soon.

Meanwhile she had come up with a solution for her immediate problem that she was finding it difficult to see and speak to Daniel. All she had to do was make him think that she was coming to see him and trying to convince him to spend time with her. As a god she had been a master of creating illusion, a skill that had proved helpful in her post-godhood survival.

Vala returned to her room and started composing notes. Notes to leave for Daniel explaining that she had stopped by and he looked so busy that she didn't want to disturb him. Notes that simply said "hello" and "catch you later", notes that looked as if they were scribbled while she stood in the hall or the doorway. Vala was careful to use a variety of pens, pencils, types of paper, torn off corners of pages, etc.

She choose one that specifically mentioned dinner and implied that she had actually opened the door and tried to interrupt him with no success. Clutching the note in her hand she headed to the Library. Daniel might immerse himself in his work but he wasn't completely unaware of his surroundings and he wasn't deaf. So being quiet was hugely important. She approached the door and held her breath praying that no one would come down the hall before she finished her mission. Vala felt even more like Mata Hari than before. Though this time she couldn't stop thinking that they had executed Mata Hari!

She hugged the wall and as she got closer to the door ended up almost sitting on the floor. She had stuck a piece of tape on the note. Stretching and carefully leaning over Vala was able tape it to the middle of the door above the knob. She started to breathe again as she slowly stood up and headed back down the hall to her room.

Teal'c had seen Vala go by and was sure that she was headed to see Daniel. He was glad. Teal'c decided that he would walk by the Library, as he often did, and if the door was open say hello to them both. As he got up to leave the room he caught a glimpse of Vala coming back from the Library. Her manner was odd, almost as if she were trying to hide and not be seen. When he got to the Library he saw a note taped to the door. Teal'c read it and couldn't make any sense out of it. Vala had been at the Library but she certainly hadn't made any attempt to speak with Daniel.


	14. Chapter 14

Vala was getting ready for dinner. She figured that she would quickly grab something to eat and then take off after making some sort of "alien" excuse. Even if Daniel did decide to eat dinner it wouldn't be this early. Vala expected him to find her note when he left the Library for a snack or to go to bed. She figured that she should be safe if she ate early enough. She wanted to make sure that everyone was there so she could start another round of "I miss the food from my own planet" and "I'm sick of this Earth food." Then she would give in to their blandishments and agree to cook a treat tomorrow, in preparation she would repeat her assertion that many off-worlders find the dishes of her world distasteful.

Vala wore her "conservative" black leather outfit. She had noticed that the effects of her hangover were gone when she checked her face in the mirror. Unsure that she would be able to reproduce that perfect "alien" green she had earlier in the day Vala decided to hold off on any change in skin color. She settled for applying her lightest, palest foundation and no lipstick. She also used no blush but used brown eye shadow to accent her check bones. She used heavy black eye liner on both the top and bottom and used kohl on her eye lids for that exotic dark smudgy look. Vala darkened her eye brows and shaped them into a straighter line than usual. She had decided to not even attempt Spock eye brows, though she thought longingly about the fun of creating Vulcan or elf ears. Vala wisely, but reluctantly, decided that might be a little "over the top". In the area between her brows and the top of her eye lids she brushed on greenish blue shadow.

Qetesh had been skilled in her use of make-up and spent a great deal of time working to create her signature look. Even though Qetesh applied a great deal of eye make-up Vala had always felt that the results were striking rather than garish or gaudy. "Alien" hooker was not Qetesh's style.

Vala had considered Qetesh's look to be unique. However, after looking through some of Daniel's books on Ancient Egypt she had to wonder if Qetesh was going for the Nefertiti or Tutankhamen look. But Qetesh had been a fairly young "snake" and couldn't have been the model for either one of them. Taking one last look in the mirror Vala worried that she might have gone a little too far, the word excessive leaped to mind. She thought perhaps little more of a subtle change in appearance might be a better choice. Though they may not have a well developed fashion sense and little interest in clothes and make-up the others would likely notice an extreme drastic change. Grabbing a tissue she attempted to wipe off all of the greenish blue shadow while leaving on the kohl and eye liner. She was able to remove a lot of the shadow, the end results were actually a softer tone of the original color nicely smeared above her eyes. She finished off her "alien" ensemble by pulling her hair back severely in a single plait.

Vala entered the mess smiling, but not grinning, and greeted everyone. She had decided that the way to play it was friendly but not enthusiastic. Vala didn't want to appear sad or depressed just a little less manic. If for any reason someone remarked on it she would say that she was only trying to behave in a more adult fashion in order to please Daniel. That would certainly be believed by everyone.

"Hi guys! What's up with everyone?" "General Landry, how are you plants doing?"

"They are doing well. You haven't been in to see them in a few days"

Landry was disappointed that she hadn't stopped in. Almost every day Vala would be there asking him to show her his latest agricultural achievement. She usually carried a wilted, partially dead plant in her hands. Vala would grin and try to look as if she felt guilty while she apologized for once again neglecting one of his gifts. In her next breath Vala would beg him for another one. She would promise faithfully to water the next one. Landry knew that Vala was semi-killing her plants on purpose, in order to have an excuse to visit and in some small way check on him. He suspected that Vala wanted him to feel that he was helping her, that she wanted to let him know that she valued and appreciated him.

He was pleased at her efforts and never explained to her that while his plants were a pleasant hobby and he did think that they helped to humanize the sterile ship, his gardening didn't define him as a person. It helped him to focus while they waited to return to their real time. However he did hope that it wouldn't take Sam too much longer to solve the problem. If they had to spend much more time on this ship he might just become the Gregor Mendel of the Prometheus in order to stay sane. He suspected that Vala was concerned that he might feel a little isolated from SG-1. For Sam and Mitchell the fact that he was their superior officer was a not inconsequential part of their relationships. And for all of them he had never been an actual member of the SG-1 team. He knew that Vala empathized and assumed that she felt her situation to be similar. Of course they never actually talked about any of it. General Landry could have taught Dr. Jackson a thing or two about repression and emotional denial.

Landry had tried to get Vala to discuss her life as they walked in the greenhouse choosing new plants for her room. After time he had gotten used to her evasions and how she would turn everything into a joke at her expense. During those brief times they spent together he felt closer to his daughter. Vala reminded him of the young Carolyn in the same way Sam reminded him of the adult, professional Carolyn. The fact that he thought of Vala as the child was unfair to her. He knew that it was an easy trap to fall into. Even if you know that someone is emotionally troubled, when they work hard to make it easy, you will usually be able to convince yourself that they are coping with their problems. Landry had long ago admitted to himself that had been the trap he had fallen into with his daughter and with disastrous personal results.

He had not yet been able to untangle his dysfunctional relationship with his daughter. Though he now had hope that he might, sometime in the future, straighten out his relationship with his daughter. Landry knew that he didn't have the skills to help Vala. Perhaps once they were home he would enlist Sam and together help Vala feel as much a part of SGC as she actually was. He thought that she deserved more attention and respect from the rest of the team and suspected that she was the loneliest of them all. He was happy when Vala started to work with Daniel, not as an assistant or a lovesick gofor, but with him. It made it easier for him and helped assuage his guilt to assume that Daniel would make Vala feel welcome. In spite of their seeming antagonism it was obvious, even to him, that they belonged together.

"Mitchell, how many miles a day are you running now? Have you had any luck at all besting Muscles in your stick thingy fighting?"

Mitchell just made a face at her as she smiled and nodded to Sam and Teal'c.

Sam looked closely at Vala. She seemed to have no color in her cheeks at all. Rather than "alien" Sam thought that Vala looked subdued, tired and stressed. Sam felt concerned that Vala wasn't getting enough sleep and was probably having problems dealing with Daniel and his damaged psyche.

Teal'c simply returned Vala's nod. The inquiring look he gave her made Vala a little nervous but she ignore it and pressed onward.

She pushed her food around the plate saying "I do miss my mother's cooking". A few bites later she said "I am tiring of this "Earth" food."

Sam, Mitchell and Landry once again encouraged her to cook one of her dishes for them. She agreed that tomorrow at dinner she would serve them one of her mother's recipes.

And so the die was cast and Vala was committed to producing a repulsive "alien" stew.


	15. Chapter 15

Daniel was participating in a harvest ceremony but kept coming up with questions and observations that he wanted to share with Vala. Mentally pulling himself out of the scene, he looked around. Not finding Vala he walked to their work table and wrote more notes in Vala's journal. He wondered idly where she had gone while he checked his watch but it wasn't mealtime. Thinking about Vala made him feel a little uneasy but he didn't know why. He hadn't been sleeping well lately and thought that maybe he was just overly tired. Often when he spent long amounts of time immersed in his work he would end up exhausted, but usually with a feeling of accomplishment and not this faint inexplicable gnawing in his chest. Thinking about what was different it occurred to him that maybe he had grown used to sharing his space with her. Perhaps he missed not specifically Vala, but simply having company of some sort. Daniel thought maybe I should consider getting a cat.

This should have been proof to him of his distraught mental state. Though they could use Asgard technology to "materialize" cellos, etc. a living creature was probably beyond even them. Daniel caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and looked towards the end of the table. Staring back at him was a black cat. The cat began to morph into Bast, the Egyptian cat goddess. Daniel looked deeply into her eyes and felt that she looked familiar and also very beautiful. He tried figure out the possible meaning of his attraction to the cat goddess when suddenly Bast's lips curved into the grin of the Cheshire Cat.

Daniel's head jerked back and he woke up. He looked closely at the end of the table where Bast had been sitting. It was where Vala often sat reading cross-legged on the table. Daniel decided that it was time to go back to his room and rest. Grabbing Vala's journal he left the Library. As he left the room he found a note taped to the door.

The note was from Vala and said that she had been by to pick him up for dinner but had been unable to rouse him and gone on ahead. She said that she hoped to catch up with him later. Daniel was surprised that he hadn't heard her but he had to admit that it had happened often enough before. Though lately he had gotten used to Vala persevering until he joined her. He realized that he had started to depend on her, not just to force him to take a break and eat, but to take the time to see his friends. To his chagrin he had realized that he now enjoyed their basketball games, and other silly group activities arranged by Vala. He found that he was developing a friendship with Mitchell that had started with a simple game.

Daniel resolved to make an effort to go to the mess to see everyone for the next group meal. He decided that an effort wasn't good enough and that he would go to eat with them the next day. He was too late for dinner so for now he would just get some coffee and a snack. It did occur to him that he might run into Vala on his way there or back. Perhaps actually in the mess she was known to eat at all hours of the day and night. In fact he decided to skip going to his room to rest and head up there right now.

Vala had succeeded! She would serve them her "alien" stew tomorrow and give her the excuse to eat on her own after a few meals. Sam would have them home soon so all she would have to do was to be sure, at least for the next week or so, to store massive quantities of "real" food in her room. It shouldn't be too difficult. Vala already squirreled food away for later. Just as she often ate like her food might be taken away at any time there was often a chance that it would be a long time between meals. In addition to Vala's clothing caches there were a lot of dried and preserved food stuffs left where ever she had traveled.

Vala smiled at everyone and rose to leave.

Sam asked, "Vala how is your work going with Daniel? We haven't seen much of him the past few days."

"We have been very busy and you know how Daniel is when he first starts a project. And he is completely entranced by his latest find in the Asgard Library."

"Vala, we have gotten spoiled by you. We see him more often since you have made an effort to get him to join us for meals" replied Sam.

Mitchell and Landry both agreed with Sam. Teal'c stared at her knowing that while Daniel may have been very busy Vala had most assuredly not been busy with him.

Vala couldn't help but say "I'm not sure that Daniel appreciates my attempts. He says that he is annoyed when I "bug" him too much. He would like me to make an effort to behave in a more adult fashion."

Teal's spoke up "I think that Daniel Jackson does not see himself clearly enough to understand what he likes or doesn't like."

The others looked curiously at Teal'c. He rarely offered his opinion about other people's personal lives. That lent a great deal of weight to what he said. Each one thought about what Teal'c had said and realized that he was right.

Vala smiled at Teal'c but really hadn't listened to him. She felt badly that she implied, actually pretended, that she and Daniel had been spending time together. All she wanted to do was make an excuse and leave as quickly as possible. She would sneak back later that night and eat.

"I have to go now" said Vala as she headed for the door.

Teal'c asked her "Vala Mal Doran, are you returning to the Asgard Library to work with Daniel?"

Vala looked at everyone looking at her and in her guilt driven panic said "Of course I am. We are involved in the study of the burial practices and rituals of a very interesting culture. I expect that you won't see Daniel for quite a while." And she hurried out of the room. Vala was relieved to be headed back to her room and out of everyone's sight. But she was starving. Moping and whining about missing her native food unhappily precluded stuffing her face in her normal fashion.


	16. Chapter 16

Daniel came into the Mess after Vala had left. Everyone was still eating and smiled as they greeted him.

"Daniel. I'm so glad that you're here" said Sam. "We were just telling Vala how much we missed seeing you. So, she finally talked you into showing up." Looking behind Daniel, Sam was surprised to see that Vala wasn't with him.

"Those burial rites must be captivating. I can't say that they would be my first choice to experience first hand, or even "virtually" first hand" added Mitchell.

Daniel looked distracted as he screened the room for Vala. He sat down and Teal'c brought him food. Normally everyone served themselves but Daniel seemed to bring out, if not exactly the parent, perhaps the caregiver, in them all. Daniel barely noticed where the food came from, as usual. He smelled the food and discovered that he was hungry. Between bites he continued to look confused. He didn't see Vala, though Sam had said that she was just talking to her, and he had no clue why Mitchell was talking about funerals. Daniel dismissed Mitchell's comment as some sort of joke.

"Sam, did you say you were just talking to Vala? Did she say where she was going?"

"She just left, and was headed back to the Library to see you. You should have passed her in the hall."

Daniel continued to eat. If Vala was going to the Library he would catch up with her when he returned. Daniel chatted with his friends realizing that he had missed spending time with them. He apologized for having spent so much time with his work recently. Sam assured him that Vala had been reporting to them on his progress with his latest project. Daniel looked a little puzzled by what Sam had said but then seemed to dismiss the feeling and continued with the group conversation. He avoided asking Sam for any estimate as to when they might expect to "phase" back. Daniel knew that she would let them all know of any breakthrough. Sam felt guilty about their situation though they would have all died if she hadn't done something. Once he had finished eating and briefly caught up with his friends Daniel stood up to leave.

He asked Sam "So you're sure that Vala was going back to the Library?"

Teal'c replied, staring intently at Daniel "Vala Mal Doran may have stopped by her room on the way. Perhaps you should check there before you return to the Library and lose yourself in your work."

Daniel noticed Teal'c's stare. It looked to him as if Teal'c was trying to communicate something. He shook off his uncertainty about what Teal'c might be trying to say. Daniel was in a hurry to get back to the Library and see Vala; he wanted her to start reading her journal. Daniel realized that he hadn't been able to discuss much of his recent work with her and it was making him anxious. However thinking about Vala made him feel uneasy. So he pushed his feelings aside and concentrated on thinking about his work in the Library. He was disturbed that when he tried to ignore his anxious feelings that he kept having flash backs on his Bast dream (or hallucination). Daniel mentally hit himself on the back of the head, yelling "Focus! Focus!"

As Daniel left the room they tried to figure out why had been yelling what sounded like "Focus!"

"That was very nice. I'm glad that Daniel came to join us, it's been a few days since I've seen him" said Sam.

Teal'c replied "I think that he was actually looking for Vala."

Mitchell added "I'm shocked that she left the Library and came to dinner without him. He certainly was hungry; you would have thought that it would have been easy to persuade him."

"I do not think that Vala Mal Doran was actually in the Library with Daniel Jackson before she came to eat."

"I could have sworn that she said they had been working on funeral or burial rituals."

"I think you are right Sam" added Mitchell. "Maybe Vala is getting as befuddled as Daniel. She has been spending an awful lot of time in that Library with him."

Landry said "If anyone was going to rub off on anyone else I would have hoped that Vala's more relaxed approach to life would have influenced Daniel."

"It is my opinion" replied Teal'c "that behind her seemingly casual approach to life Vala Mal Doran is as tense and rigid as Daniel. It may be part of the reason that they are compatible."

Sam, Mitchell and Landry looked at Teal'c quizzically. Sam asked him what made him think that about Vala.

"It is necessary for Vala to exert a great deal of self-control in order to deal with her past experiences. After ten years of being forced to live Qetesh's life she is frightened when she does not feel in charge of her life."

"Are you saying that she is frightened? She certainly seems untroubled. I find it hard to …"

"Mitchell," interrupted Teal'c "I would have thought that you, of all of us, could relate to her recent experience with implanted memories. Were you not afraid while you believed that you had committed murder?"

"Yes, I was. I was absolutely terrified when I was unable to trust my own interpretation of the truth."

"Once your false memories were removed how long did it take until you felt at ease with yourself? Maybe Vala is going through a similar adjustment" asked Sam.

"It was a few weeks before I started to trust my feelings. Surely Vala has had enough time to adjust". Mitchell added "It wasn't as if we made her believe she killed anyone."

"Vala had just begun to trust the people at SGC when she was made to believe that she had been betrayed by those same people" said Teal'c.

Sam said "I understand that was an upsetting experience for Vala. I can understand that betrayal is very hard to forget or forgive. But how long do you expect her to continue to have problems? How long has it actually been?"

"When did we remove those memories? I don't remember" asked Mitchell?

As he asked the question Mitchell looked at Sam and Landry. Their faces reflected their disbelief as they realized the truth.

"Indeed. Her false memories were never removed. Vala may have appeared to have adjusted to the explanation that it was a necessary ruse to implement "her" plan. I suspect that she is quite skilled and experienced at hiding her feelings and may be feeling unsure about how she feels about us."

"When my false memories were located I still remained terrified. Though I believed that I was in fact innocent, I continued to feel like a killer until after the removal process."

"Why didn't she ask us to remove the memories?"

"Sam, I am not able to answer your question. Vala Mal Doran may have worked hard to repress her emotions and did not want to admit that she had been unsuccessful."

"I wonder if she thinks about those memories when she is with us. I'm sure that we have shown her that we like and trust her?"

"Mitchell, I do not know the answer to that question" answered Teal'c. "It may be difficult to distinguish what she wants us to believe from what she actually believes."

"Could that be why Vala hasn't eaten with us as often these past few days? I must admit that I assumed she was otherwise occupied with Daniel. Though he does seem to have been looking for her recently" added Sam. "She has been looking very tired and a little quiet. In another person I might have thought they were depressed. Once again I assumed that she was tired from working long hours with Daniel."

"She hasn't tried to arrange any group events either. Has she started any basketball games with you guys?" asked Landry.

"No, not with me. How about you Teal'c?"

"No. I fear that she has been avoiding me. Perhaps she is concerned that I may see through her charade. I will go to her room and perhaps I may discover what she is feeling."

They thanked Teal'c and asked him to reassure Vala that they trusted her. Mitchell said to tell her to speak to him and perhaps they could share their experiences. Landry suggested that Teal'c explain to Vala the fact that they relied on her plan to catch Adria clearly demonstrated their trust and respect.

Once Teal'c was gone all hell broke loose. Mitchell felt doubly at fault for overlooking Vala's memory removal. She was part of SG1, a member of his team, how could he have not realized her situation. And as someone who had suffered through the implantation of his own false memories he should have been sensitive to how she must have felt. He had abandoned her to what must have been agony. That she was so easily able to fool them all was no excuse. In fact it demonstrated how little she did trust them, how little they knew her and how little she should, in fact, trust them.

Landry tried to calm Mitchell. "Son, I am equally responsible. Actually I am responsible. All of SGC is under my authority. I was in command when this reprehensible oversight took place. The only excuse, pathetic as it might be, is that we were so consumed with catching Adria that we lost sight of Vala."

Landry continued "I am afraid that Vala has often been overlooked. In the past it was a good survival mechanism and she has continued to behave in a way that makes it easy for people to dismiss her. We tend to write her off as a silly and shallow flirt, with no thought for anyone but herself. It is interesting that we seem to forget how she sacrificed herself to stop the Supergate from being completed. It was her idea to trap Adria by using herself as bait. And it was a good plan, a successful plan. She took quite a chance when she volunteered to have the false memories implanted. Alien technology can be problematic and there was a strong chance that it wouldn't work and that we would be unable to retrieve her. Vala would have melted away to another part of the galaxy believing that we had callously abandoned her."

Sam resolved to find Teal'c after he spoke to Vala. She wanted to know what Vala was feeling. Sam hoped that Teal'c would be able to find a way for her to help.

Teal'c stood outside of Vala's room. He knocked saying "Vala it is me, Teal'c. Could I please speak to you?" If she was there alone he thought that she would answer the door. Teal'c was certain that she had not gone to the Library and suspected that Daniel had gone back to work without seeing Vala. Vala opened the door, grinning broadly "Muscles! How good to see you! Come in, make yourself at home."

Daniel looked in the Library but Vala wasn't there. He decided he would find her later after he made some notes. Once in his room and at his desk he picked up Vala's journal. He felt exhausted and decided to lie down and read it from the beginning. Within minutes Daniel was asleep and though his sleep was fitful he didn't wake until morning.


	17. Chapter 17

Teal'c entered Vala's room saying "It is good to see you also Vala Mal Doran. I am concerned about you and wish to help."

"There is absolutely no reason to worry about me. I am doing fine, better than fine."

Vala had a suspicion that Teal'c would not be that easy to fool. Figuring that she might as well be comfortable Vala sat down in her "Reading Corner" on her favorite chair. The Children's Room at the public library had a "Reading Corner" and Vala had decided that her room needed one. Sam had created a wide variety of objects for everyone but she was a little surprised when Vala requested three bean bag chairs, a lamp shaped like a giraffe, a small bookcase and a fuzzy pink rug. The book case was crammed with books and magazines while the top held her stuffed animals.

Teal'c thought that Vala would hope that sitting in her "Corner" would make him feel awkward. He sat down on the floor next to her bean bag chair and leaned against the wall. Vala looked tired and sad to him as she laughed and teased him about his misplaced concern. With her hair straight and tightly pulled back she looked younger to him than she did in her pigtails. Teal'c wanted to make her feel safe and not threatened but also to not allow her to control the situation. Teal'c decided that it would be easier for her to "open up" to him if she wasn't looking at him. Teal'c was also known to watch Dr. Phil and his television compatriots; he felt it gave him often needed insight into the often murky minds of the Tau'ri.

He slid Vala off of her chair to the floor and gently moved her over in front of him so that she was resting against his chest. After a few seconds of resistance he felt her relax and lean back. Teal'c felt like a father offering comfort to his hurt child. Reminded of Rya'c he felt regret for the time he had spent away from him during his childhood. And regret at the thought that he may never see his son again.

"Teal'c, I am not sure that I will survive if Sam doesn't get us home soon. There is nothing here for me but misery and I am no longer strong enough to endure such unhappiness."

"You are important to me Vala Mal Doran, as is your happiness. That is why I have resolved to discuss this with you. Unlike you and Daniel Jackson I do not repress my feelings. However neither do I easily expose my inner feelings to others. I am not comfortable even talking about such issues at such length. Some would think that I am not acting as my normal Jaffa self. They are most likely unaware of our long history of great Jaffa orators and poets. And as you well know, affection can cause "abnormal" behavior in people."

Vala and Teal'c laughed loudly as they both thought of "Young Frankenstein" and the abnormal brain Igor retrieved for the creature. The works of Mel Brooks held intense appeal to both aliens, which they thought would probably please him if he knew. They both relaxed after sharing their joke.

"I know that you are unhappy but I can only guess at the reasons behind your recent odd behavior. I assume that you are attempting to alienate all of SG1 so that you can more easily leave them. Perhaps you wish to abandon them first before they abandon you."

Vala sighed but didn't refute his words. She had been afraid that he would "out" her before she was able to complete project "Alien Nation". Vala was just happy that he hadn't mentioned Daniel.

"It has been a very intense time for everyone this past year. We have moved from crisis to crisis without any respite. This is not an excuse, but perhaps a partial explanation, of why SGC never thought to remove your memories of their betrayal."

Vala said nothing and Teal'c continued. "I do feel that you should shoulder some of the blame." Vala didn't say anything though Teal'c could feel her muscles tense in reaction. "If you were not so skilled at, not so much lying as dissembling, they might have realized what had happened. I don't think it was simply that they forgot but that they truly believed there was no problem. The others believed that you were capable of keeping those memories separate from the reality of your life with SG-1. They like and respect you and your interactions with them seemed to have remained the same. You work hard to present a carefully constructed facade to everyone and might it not be fair to blame them when they accept it? In fact it is perhaps a compliment."

Vala's body relaxed against his chest but it felt to him as if she was giving in to her feelings of despair rather than relaxing.

"Blame is not a word that I use lightly Vala. You feel an immense amount of misplaced guilt for things that happened for which you were blameless. It will never be easy for you to forgive yourself. That is one of the many ways in which you and Daniel Jackson are similar. He feels much guilt about Sha're. Daniel feels guilty that he was unable to keep her from becoming a host and guilty that I had to kill her. He also feels guilt because he blamed me for her death and then found it difficult to overcome his own anger, grief and guilt to forgive me. He has truly forgiven me but he has yet to forgive himself. Daniel Jackson is an unusual man who can feel guilty about feeling guilty."

Vala's body tensed at Daniel's name. Teal'c said "You have spoken very little. It is time for you to tell me what you are feeling. I may be a poor speaker but I am an excellent listener."

"When I try to understand why I love Daniel it is very confusing to me. Since I was taken by Qetesh I have not devoted any time to other people. No friends, no lovers, and certainly no family. My life did not lend itself to such indulgences and I didn't feel deserving of affection, understanding and, least of all, love. Therefore I was shocked to find how much I enjoyed being with Daniel on the Prometheus. Spending time with him just made me laugh. He was gorgeous, smart and funny and treated me as an equal, maybe not an equal he admired, but an equal all the same. It may not make sense to anyone else but I was happy when he hit me. It was logical and reasonable to Daniel that if I hit him [actually I beat the crap out of him then I was fair game. That logic and reason approach to life appealed to me in comparison to the unreasonable and chaotic life surrounding me. To me his behavior meant that he saw me as a worthy opponent in our fight. As I say this out loud I realize that it sounds quite odd. But love and attraction are nothing if not strange."

Teal'c said nothing in an effort to encourage her to continue talking.

"I am no longer sure about many of my dealings with Daniel. But I do know that he kissed me back. I may not be the most skilled person at interpreting the responses of others. In fact Daniel has made me distrustful of my instincts. But I can tell when a man responds to me, and I do not mean just physically. At that moment, regardless of what may have happened since, an actual connection was made between us."

"It was my conviction of the existence of that bond which led me to investigate the strangest and most intriguing man I had found in my travels. It wasn't difficult to turn up information about the infamous SG-1 team and about each individual member. I used that knowledge to identify a way to make contact that would intrigue that man."

"And after you arrived at SGC how did you feel about Daniel Jackson?"


	18. Chapter 18

Before she responded to Teal'c's question about seeing Daniel at SGC post- Prometheus Vala replayed the scene in her mind. She smiled wistfully as she remembered that day.

She laughed and said "Teal'c, though I know that Daniel does not return my love I am glad to be talking about him. I wouldn't have thought s but it makes me happy to remember how much I enjoyed spending time with my Daniel."

"The first time I arrived at SGC Daniel entered the Briefing Room, saw me, turned right around and walked out. At that moment I felt that everything was going to be perfect. He was continuing our "dance" that had started on the ship."

"I soon discovered that back at SGC he was a little different. Daniel had created this persona of the gentle, kind, mild, intellectual, intense and emotionally damaged archeologist. It certainly wasn't the at times half-crazed man who had shared our adventure. On the Prometheus he told me that he was only an "archeologist" and that he didn't know how to run the ship."

"Archeologist" meant nothing to me and it turned out that he had lied about his knowledge and skill. Daniel had tried to "con" me even before I attempted to "con" him into helping "my people". Though I must have picked up on his basic goodness as I only try the "save my people" story on someone I feel would even care about strangers. But I never thought of him as a quiet, gentle, repressed geeky scientist. He was stubborn, obstinate, and willful. He refused to give up. He never stopped trying to gain the upper hand. When he would call me childish I would think back to how he behaved on the Prometheus and smile. I think now that I should have pointed out to him that Tau'ri saying about black pots and kettles. That though he may have deluded himself into thinking he was so much more "adult" than me when he had been on his own, where no one knew him; he had acted as childish as me."

Later when I investigated him I did misunderstand why he was interested in ancient artifacts. I thought perhaps he was some sort of bounty hunter for alien treasure, an adventurer or even a member of some planetary Tauri police. I must admit that I never took him for a thief except perhaps in a Robin Hood kind of way."

Vala loved Robin Hood; he was a thief and a hero who got to live in the woods with a "merry" group of men. They must have had so much fun together, drinking, singing, playing games and fighting with big wooden sticks. The sticks, of course, made Teal'c Little John. And Robin had a romance with the hot girl in the castle. In the past she would have admired the hero of the stories because he was a thief. Now she admired how he managed to be both a thief and a good guy. He used his criminal skills to right wrongs, protect the innocent, and torture the evil prince. She had to admit that she liked to think of herself, in her present life, as Robin. Vala even liked the clothes with the tight leather jerkins. She imagined that both she and Daniel would look very nice in matching outfits."

"When we started to work together I would tease and annoy him but I also felt that I challenged him. I didn't make his life easy or comfortable. I left that for the rest of the team. All the time that we spent together on SG-1 I had thought that there was an understood subtext to our antagonistic behavior. That it would continue until we were ready to take a chance on an "us". An "us" that terrified both of us, scared that if we did get together that one would leave the other. He thought that I would be taken away by some outside force like Sha're had been. I knew that he would discover what a bad person I was and leave me in disgust. Sadly this seems to have happened without having a chance at the "us" step."

Teal'c was now convinced that something dreadful had happened between Vala and Daniel, an argument or disagreement or worse that precipitated Vala conviction that Daniel did not love her and had never loved her. It was important that he find out exactly what was said to whom and by whom. Teal'c was sure that he would never get Vala to tell him; he was convinced that Daniel had been the aggressor. But he wasn't sure why since Teal'c knew that Daniel did indeed love Vala.

Sam would be the one who could pry the answers out of Daniel. He would speak to her tomorrow and have her confront him. He suspected that Daniel either didn't realize exactly what he had done or if he did that he didn't want to face it.

It was getting late. Teal'c carefully stood up with his arms around Vala and sat her on her bed.

"You should try and sleep. We will talk again, little one."

"Darling, don't forget that I am cooking for everyone at dinner tomorrow." Vala felt much better after sharing her thoughts with Teal'c. She valued his friendship and was comforted by his concern. Feeling better she was once again excited about the next step of project "Alien Nation". Vala had made Teal'c laugh out loud when she told him about the inspiration for the name of her campaign. She hadn't told him that it was a campaign just about her misunderstanding of the psychological term "alienation". Vala kissed him on the cheek and said goodnight.

Teal'c was bewildered by her insistence on cooking her native dishes. It made no sense and he couldn't imagine what she was trying to accomplish. All he could do was wait for her to play out her hand. Walking by the Library on the way to his quarters Teal'c was tempted to check on Daniel Jackson. Instead he began to work on how he would explain to Sam what needed to be done.

Sitting on her bed Vala began to devise her disgusting "alien food" strategy. What Teal'c had said about the team and their feelings for her, his explanation that could help explain them not removing her memories, had rung true. But even if they did care for her she simply couldn't care for them. That would make her leaving SG-1 much too difficult, so in self-preservation she ignored her thoughts.

Vala went to her bureau for paper and pencil to work on her menu. Though in most aspects of her life she depended on complex technology she still preferred to read actual physical books and to write by hand on paper. Living with and by technology doesn't guarantee that you won't end up in places lacking even the most basic requirement such as power, not to mention running water.

Reaching in her top drawer for blank paper Vala's hand hit a small book stuck in the back. Not actually hidden just not out in the open. She couldn't resist pulling out the book and jumping on to one of the bean bag chairs with the small paperback book in her hand. It was the collected poems of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Her friends, librarians in the Colorado Springs public library, had given it to her as a gift. Vala had spoken to them about Daniel, giving no details about their actual work, just her feelings for him and their dysfunctional dynamic. One of them, Ruth, had told her that she was "lovesick" and suggested that she wallow in some romantic poetry. Vala wasn't sure about the wallowing but when it was explained that it usually involved chocolate and/or ice cream she was intrigued. It turned out that each one had their favorites but they decided to start her on the tried and true "classics" so she was quickly exposed to Byron, Shakespeare, Browning, Dickinson, Shelley, etc. The plan was to move on to more modern poets later. Vala was enchanted by Browning [Elizabeth not Robert and Emily Dickinson. The book fell open to Elizabeth Barrett Browning's **Sonnet XIV.**

If thou must love me, let it be for nought  
Except for love's sake only. Do not say  
"I love her for her smile--her look--her way  
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought  
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought  
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day" -  
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may  
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,  
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for  
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry, -  
A creature might forget to weep, who bore  
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!  
But love me for love's sake, that evermore  
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity

Vala limited herself to taking one small book in her pack. But she couldn't decide between her current two favorite poets so she wrote an Emily Dickinson poem inside the back cover of the Browning volume. Her friends had explained that while it was inappropriate, illegal and just plain wrong to write in library books that she was free to do anything with her own book. And that personal annotation can add meaning to your books. They also told her how Thomas Jefferson was an infamous defacer of books. She read the poem to herself until she fell asleep.

**Heart, We Will Forget Him**

Heart, we will forget him,  
You and I, tonight!  
You must forget the warmth he gave,  
I will forget the light.

When you have done pray tell me,  
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.  
Haste! 'lest while you're lagging  
I may remember him!

Daniel had woken early and went for coffee; so early that no one was there. He couldn't stop himself from looking around for Vala though he knew it was too early.

As he continued his studies in the Library without conscious thought he moved from culture to culture investigating only courtship and mating practices and rituals. One after the other he would write in Vala's journal thinking about how she would enjoy their different approaches. Especially when she read about places where the women bought them or fought to the death for the men. Daniel smiled imagining what her comments would be and how he would pretend to be pissed off at her for trivializing such important studies.

Daniel no longer pretended that her journal contained work simple notes. He was writing to her, sharing his personal thoughts and ideas. Occasionally it would occur to him to wonder why he wasn't just talking to her instead of writing. He would then remember that Vala had stopped in or left a note. He wasn't sure how long ago it had been. But he knew that he would often lose all track of time while he worked. He shrugged and pushed his glasses tight against his face.

Praying that she wasn't seen Vala tiptoed, quick as a bunny, to the Library and taped a note to the door. She loved those Tau'ri sayings that made reference to fuzzy little mammals.


	19. Chapter 19

_**I apologize. I think that I screwed up the timeline. I had meant the story to span a little more than two days. However, when I went back and added up the days I think it is more like three days. It makes Daniel appear a littler denser than I intended.**_

Vala had written in the note that when she returned later she would bring him lunch in case he didn't want to come to the mess. When Daniel read the note he would assume that she had been there after breakfast. It was actually lunch time when she stuck the note on the door. Vala had no intention of coming back; she planned to ask Sam or Mitchell to take lunch to Daniel while she worked on her dinner. She would get them to promise not to mention dinner, explaining that she wanted it to be a surprise, and she would promise to be sure and get Daniel in plenty of time for dinner.

She went to the mess and quickly grabbed something to take back to her room and eat. She smiled and asked Landry how his plants were doing and if he had been able to resurrect the last plant she had brought to him. She then asked Mitchell how his fighting and running were going. If they had to spend much more time on this ship she worried that Mitchell would throw himself out an airlock. Everyone could tell that he felt useless and impotent but there was nothing anyone could do to help him. Vala barely glanced at Teal'c. She asked Sam if she would please take Daniel something to eat after Sam finished lunch. Sam happily to agreed to wait on Daniel, though she knew it might not be the best thing to do, as it made it easier for him to stay cloistered in the Library. But she knew that it wouldn't be too much longer before he surfaced and she would see him at dinner. She understood that Vala was excited about preparing her part of dinner and agreed to say nothing about it to Daniel. Vala told her that she had tried to get Daniel to come for lunch but that he was too involved with his work. She hoped that if Sam mentioned it Daniel wouldn't disagree, her note should have convinced him that she had in fact come for him. All was now right in the world and Vala headed back to her room to plan her culinary delight. When she had first come into the room she had felt a pang of guilt at her plan to fool them. The guilt came as a shock to her but she quickly dismissed it.

Vala had woken up in the middle of the night and raided her chocolate stash and crawled into her bed to wallow until morning. She had made the sensible decision that alcohol was vastly inferior to chocolate when you were heart broken. She had tried drinking that first night and the only positive result had been the natural green tint to her skin. Vala wouldn't admit to herself that she had done just a little crying while she didn't sleep. It felt as if it had been forever since she had seen Daniel. The day after "it" (she hadn't be able to find words to describe what had happened that night so she simply used the word "it") she had seen him twice. That first morning she had accepted his apology and convinced him that everything was fine. During the second visit that afternoon she had completely panicked and fled in terror. Over the next two days she had been able to elude Daniel, leaving notes to make him think that she had been to see him and skulking down corridors to avoid him. Vala had thought of asking Sam to materialize a trench coat for her. Sam might not have found it too strange until she asked for a shoe phone!

While missing Daniel and trying to fight the pain that was her life somehow she had begun to fantasize that somehow things between them were the same or could somehow be the same again. She would wonder if he missed her at all. Racking her brain for ways to excuse him she almost convinced herself that she had fooled him and he hadn't realized know how long it had been. According to Sam, Daniel spending two days buried in his work, especially when he had first started on an intriguing new project, was not completely unheard-of. After a few minutes of enjoyable self-delusion, reality kicked in. It felt as if it had actually kicked her in the head. She told herself that she was lovesick and completely pathetic. So Vala sucked it up and proceeded to plow on through her campaign.

The ingredients for her "alien" stew were set so the next step was hair and makeup. She had kept her hair straight and pulled back since the first day. Vala had decided not to try and make too much of an obvious change. Getting rid of the curls and pigtails was enough of a change for such a short period of time. She had been gradually wearing more eye makeup in darker and stranger colors. Her idea of adding green to her skin had been abandoned. Vala loved the idea of being green and only wished that she could have gotten away with it and perhaps some sort of pointy ears. But good sense prevailed and she stuck with pale skin, no blush and hybrid Goth-Ancient Egyptian eyes. For tonight she added pale, almost white, lipstick. She thought that once she returned to Earth she might continue with a modified Goth look, when not at work. The clothes weren't all that different from what had been her traveling outfit, lots of black leather and metal still held a certain appeal. For dinner she had planned to wear a version of her beige, sort of Tok'ra looking, Qetesh gown that she had hidden on P8X-412. But she didn't want to make them think of a Goa'uld snake. She liked the idea of the Nox but was afraid it would make them think of Bambi rather than an alien race. Barbarella would catch Mitchell and probably Landry's attention but not in an alien way either. All the great, fun alien outfits seemed to be simply outward manifestations of the fantasies of human males. Though they would be crazy fun to wear she didn't want her appearance to be a distraction, but play a supporting role in the overall "alien" effect.

Vala settled on wearing black, which would make her hair look darker and her skin paler thus making her eyes stand out. Bypassing the leather she went for a silky black dress based on a Christian Dior gown she had seen in Vogue. It was sort of a loose belted tunic with flowing sleeves. With it she wore dark black stockings and black ballet slippers. She thought of it as formal evening attire for Will Scarlet which made her start singing to herself "Little Bunny Foo Foo hopping through the forest!" Once again with the cute little Earth mammals.

Dressed to kill, or at least gag, she headed to the mess prepared to cook her heart out. It was two hours before dinner when she started simmering a pot of water. Willy-nilly, yet another phrase Vala loved to say, she threw things into the pot. She needed a horrible color, equally horrible stench, and repulsive texture. There were a lot of spices that colored food all kind of shades of yellow and green. Vala found yellow an off-putting color for food and slimy had to be the most repellent texture. Vala added pieces of unidentifiable animal products and as the piece de resistance three different types of eyeballs then put the lid on so no one would see it before serving. The rank smell she would have to add at the last minute. She had come up with a chemical mix that mimicked a mixture of dirty clothes, old fish, boiled cabbage, fermented tofu and nuoc mam fish sauce. For texture she went with the tried and true boiled okra. When she looked at her handiwork, before covering her "alien" stew she felt self-satisfied. Surely anyone, no matter how much they professed to care for her, could feel anything except repulsion towards a person who would present something so "alien" and expect them to taste, let alone eat. They would realize that in no way they could relate to someone so different from the people of their planet. From that point on she would just have to stay out of everyone's way until Sam rescued them.


	20. Chapter 20

Mitchell and Teal'c arrived in the mess early, followed by Sam and Landry. Vala added her last ingredients and just as she closed the lid a small amount of the smell seeped out. Luckily she had held her breath.

As she brought out her home style "alien" stew and placed it on the table Sam said "Vala, you looked really nice. Isn't that dress a Dior? I'm sure that I saw it on a mannequin in Neiman-Marcus right before we left Earth. I love the way the silk drapes."

In shock Vala had the first inkling that the evening might not go exactly according to her plan. She was starting to question whether "Alien Nation" had been such a good idea. Maybe it would have been easier to leave SG-1 and Daniel behind if she had the help and support of friends. But she would no longer have that option once she served her stew.

Mitchell added "I agree it's a snazzy dress. But you still look awfully tired. By the way, lately you've been looking a lot like that Goth geek lab girl on NCIS. Not that she isn't sexy in a slightly disturbing way."

Landry chimed in "I can't wait to try whatever it is that you cooked for us."

Filled with trepidation she reached over to lift up the lid. Before she could finish Sam spoke up "Vala, aren't you going to wait for Daniel?"

She couldn't keep the panic out of her faltering voice as she gave her hesitant answer "I just checked in with him and he's a little involved right now. If he doesn't get here soon I'll go and grab him."

Sam gave her an odd look. "When I took him lunch he told me that he planned on coming tonight. I didn't mention your special surprise but I did encourage him not to skip dinner. I told him that we all missed seeing him these past few days. He also said that you hadn't spoken to him today, although he did find a note you had left. He seemed a little confused, he had been waiting for you to stop in so he sat and wrote in his journal so he wouldn't miss you. He couldn't understand how you could have been there and left a note without him hearing you."

Teal'c said "Vala can be amazingly quiet when she is trying to avoid possible capture or exposure."

"But why would you want to avoid Daniel" asked Sam? "Is everything okay between the two of you?"

Without answering Vala uncovered the pot. The smell was the first thing to assault their senses. It was unclear if the color or the eyeballs came next. Mitchell took one look and started to laugh.

"You have got to be kidding Vala. No one cooks, let alone eats, food this disgusting. I don't care what planet you're from. I get it! We are being "punked". Has Ashton retired and now it's the "Punked" by Vala Show?"

Vala just stood still and stared. Mitchell started in again. "The eye balls are a good touch I must admit. You are definitely in charge of the Halloween Haunted House."

"Trust me; I'm familiar with appalling food. My Aunt Emma has tried to feed me pickled pig's feet, jellied eel, tongue, blood sausage and even chitlins. And believe me you do so not want to know what they are. She even tried to make us eat the ultimate nasty food, boiled okra!"

Mitchell was stirring the pot in admiration of her creativity when he spotted proof of her joke. "Oh my God, it's boiled okra! There is no way okra exists anywhere else in the universe."

Everyone, except for Teal'c, was laughing. They all thanked her for the most fun and the best laugh they'd had in ages.

Landry, in tears from laughing, said "I can't believe we fell for that I miss my mother's "alien" cooking line. Vala you have such a great sense of humor, it is a pleasure to be stuck on this ship with you."

Sam added "We really appreciate all your work setting this up. "

"A lot of people appreciate your unique approach to life. My mother is always asking about you, Mom loved the way you devoured her pie without a thought about how you looked. She thinks a woman as beautiful as you, without vanity, is a rare bird."

"And I know that sometimes Dad thinks I might have made a mistake even looking at Amy with you around."

As Mitchell laughed Vala could see his body start to relax. Over the past months his stress had become almost palpable. As he told her about his parents he stood up, hugged her and then pulled her onto his lap as he sat down. It felt like they were two kids laughing with their friends over a silly childish joke. Vala could hardly stand the pain in her stomach. Everything was cockeyed; these people weren't following her carefully scripted scenario. At the moment she couldn't imagine what they would think if they knew the truth about her treachery.

Fighting back tears she went to hug Teal'c. She stood up on her toes and whispered in his ear. "Please don't ever tell them what I tried to do. I am so sorry." He nodded and she knew she could trust him.

Living on the base Vala spent a lot of her off mission time watching hours of TV and movies both for entertainment and to help her understand Tau'ri culture. Though she didn't spent as much time once she discovered the public library and therein its treasures of literature and poetry. Some of her favorite shows were where they gave people awards. Vala thought it was nice how they paid tribute to people they thought had done something well, everyone got dressed up and had a fabulous party. Everyone was praised; even the losers were made to feel appreciated. So it was no surprise that she quoted Sally Fields' famous Oscar acceptance speech before stumbling out of the room leaving a very confused group of people.

"You like me, you really like me!"

Sam asked Teal'c "Do you know what just happened?"

"I think that Vala Mal Doran was not fully aware of the affection you feel towards her. It has been a difficult time for her as she attempted to sort out her feelings. It was not as easy for her to ignore her false memories as she pretended. However I think now that she truly accepts your friendship."

Mitchell asked "Is that why she has seemed a little withdrawn and depressed the last few days?"

"No. She feels badly because Daniel Jackson has convinced her that he holds her in contempt and has no feelings for her. And even worse that she does not deserve his affection."

Landry and Mitchell speaking at the same time said 'But Daniel is in love with Vala!"

Sam looked as if she was going to faint. "Even if he didn't love her why would he say such things to her?"

"I suspect that he was trying to convince himself and deny his love." replied Teal'c. "Sam, I had planned to ask you to please speak with Daniel. Perhaps you could attempt to find out what happened and what he actually meant to happen."

"I fear that I would strike Daniel Jackson if I were to visit him." Everyone stared, Teal'c never threatened violence. And the idea of Teal'c cold cocking Daniel was almost impossible to imagine. Then Mitchell had to laugh at the image of Daniel hitting the floor with Teal's standing above him saying "Indeed."

Sam left the room assuring Teal'c that she would report back to him after her discussion with Daniel.

Mitchell and Landry wondered if they should go see to Vala. Teal'c told them he thought it would be best to leave her be for now. He hoped that Daniel would be with her soon. Teal'c was sure that Daniel, though in no way innocent, had not meant to destroy Vala. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened between them but he expected that Daniel would open up to Sam.

The three of them disposed of Vala's "alien" stew laughing at how Vala had created the most disgusting mess any of them had ever been unfortunate enough to see. They were impressed by her ingenuity and style. They wondered what had made her think of such an outrageous prank. Had she realized how much they needed to take a break from their grave situation? They had been so serious, tense and uptight, so focused on finding answers that they had lost sight of an important part of themselves, each other. Perhaps it was another of the group activities she arranged. After she practically forced them to participate they ended up feeling grateful to her. They always felt closer to each other afterwards.

Teal'c said nothing but simply nodded as if he agreed with them. Vala deserved her secrets. Whatever she had expected the consequences of this evening to be was no longer important. If nothing else, she was now be sure of their friendship and thankful to have them in her life.


	21. Chapter 21

As Sam headed to the Library to talk to Daniel she thought about what she would say, how she would even approach the subject of Vala. Even more importantly the subject of Vala and Daniel. Somehow she would have to convince him to explain to her what he had actually said to Vala. What had made Vala think that he didn't respect her, let alone love her? Why had he been so angry? How had Daniel convinced Vala that there was no possibility of a change in his feelings He had refused her advances before, but Vala had interpreted his latest refusal as an ultimate and final rejection. Sam didn't feel that it was her place to convince Daniel that he did, in fact, love Vala, that she was good for him, that they did function well together in spite of their outward friction and antagonism. To those who cared for Daniel it was clear that somehow they meshed together as a couple, perhaps a fairly odd couple, but better together than apart.

It had been Jack who convinced Sam that Daniel had been happier since Vala had entered his life, that he seemed emotionally rejuvenated. The old Daniel spark was back and he was more engaged in living. Jack said that he may not have realized it yet but Vala is what he needs. And that Daniel is what Vala needs. Their relationship may turn out to be an emotional and intense roller coaster ride but that will suit them.

Daniel had loved Sha're but he was no longer the same man. He had been through so much. He had experienced so much pain, heartache, disappointment and rejection. Daniel was convinced that he was responsible for so many bad things that had happened and was therefore guilty. That every bad thing that had happened was entirely his fault.

Vala had lived through her own brushes with heartache, rejection, emotional and physical pain. And she felt her own form of guilt. Like Daniel, guilt over things that were not her fault. Things neither of them could be answerable for. They both felt they deserved to suffer. Jack's view was that Vala had managed to reach at a point in her life where she was ready to move on. To think that she did deserve a chance at love and happiness. And that Daniel was the reason why she now had hope. His worry was that Daniel was still convinced that he had not been punished enough.

It was painful for Sam to even think about Jack. After he had left SGC for Homeland Security they had begun to move forward, exploring their relationship, a relationship that had been blocked by their military situation. Then when she was at Area 51 and they had managed to get together at least every two weeks or so. Jack had made the decision to retire and it was understood that they would get married after all the dust had settled. They both were excited about seeing the shock on the faces of everyone at SGC when they broke their news. Though sometimes she suspected that Teal'c knew about them. Maybe even before the two of them did.

There were so many reasons motivating her to get them out of the damn time bubble that Sam couldn't even begin to list them. But the idea that after so many years of denial she and Jack would lose their chance at happiness was unthinkable.

Daniel wasn't in the Library so Sam went to his room, knocking loudly on his door as she called his name. Sam knew Daniel might be so wrapped up in his work that he wouldn't hear her knock. The door flew open as Daniel yelled "Vala, is that you?" He looked disappointed to see that it was Sam. But then he smiled and asked her in saying how glad he was to see her.

"Daniel, I can't believe that you missed dinner. What happened to ...?" He interrupted her question by asking what happened to Vala. She hadn't come to get him as she had promised. Was there something wrong? Avoiding that subject for the moment Sam told him about Vala's "alien" dinner.

"It was so good to hear everyone laugh. Especially Mitchell, I sometimes think that he's so close to the edge that he is in danger of losing himself. He appreciated Vala's charade most of all, comparing her cooking to that of his infamous Aunt Emma. It was fun to hear him get so excited, talking about his family, how much his mother liked Vala and that his Dad thought Mitchell made a huge mistake not grabbing Vala while he had the chance. He went on and on, talking about her pie eating and her sharp shooting skills. It was obvious how pleased Vala was to hear what his parents thought of her. She had enjoyed her time with them, and not just because it was her first real visit to an actual Earth home. I don't think that any of us realized how isolated she must have been at SGC, at times her off-mission life must have felt like she was being held captive. She may have been there of her own free will and in a pleasant environment but it still must have felt a little confining. Those few trips that I took with her to the Mall now seem so inadequate."

Daniel became very still when Sam talked about Mitchell, his family and Vala and how they had welcomed her into their lives. As Sam continued to talk about Vala's loneliness he looked a little concerned but as he listened to her next sentence his whole body jerked and a look of panic and fear crossed his face.

"I'm sure that you were aware of her situation but it was only a few days ago that Teal'c reminded the rest of us that Vala's false memories of our betrayal had never been removed. She is so good at hiding her feelings that it seems to have slipped past us all. Of course Landry and Mitchell were devastated. All of us were distressed that we had so easily and carelessly failed our friend and team mate."

Daniel shoved the information about her false memories to the back of his mind intending to examine it later, as he often did with potentially upsetting information." I still don't understand why Vala didn't come back and get me, especially since she was planning such a complicated and intricate prank."

Sam knew that it was time to start her voyage of discovery into Daniel Land. "When was the last time that you saw Vala?"

"It was just this morning. She said that she would bring me lunch since I was busy. But then you brought me lunch."

"Daniel, you did not see Vala this morning. You read a note that she taped to your door. And I am pretty sure that she never even knocked, that she quietly crept down the corridor and left her note."

Daniel looked puzzled and then picked up Vala's journal from the top of his desk. He leafed through it and as he read his notations he saw that Sam was right. There were pages of notes, including questions he wanted to ask her about their work, funny things he wanted to share with her. In addition he had carefully written down each time that he had spoken to her. The last entry was when she asked him to dinner the day after "it". Like Vala, Daniel referred to that evening in his room as "it". Confrontation sounded too harsh but argument wasn't the right word either.

"Daniel can you think of any reason why she would be avoiding you?"

"Sam everything was fine. I apologized for some things that I said to her in anger. And she forgave me and said that things would continue as they had been before." Daniel thought back on his apology "Actually, I didn't really apologize. Vala accepted the apology that she said she knew I was going to make. I suppose that might have been a little strange, but I really didn't think too much of it.'

"Daniel, maybe she was afraid that you were still angry with her and she wanted to avoid upsetting you again."

"And just why were you so angry with her? It seems as if you are often angry at her. What exactly does she do that makes you so angry?"

"Vala is impossible! She doesn't think before she acts, she is stubborn and causes trouble."

"Daniel, maybe you could you help me understand? Perhaps you could give me some specifics?"

Daniel tried his best to be clear in his explanation to Sam as to why Vala could be so unbearable. "In the Ori village she wasn't careful enough with the mayor's wife and they burned her, they burned her alive! And I had to watch and I couldn't do anything, I was helpless and useless. When the Prior brought her back to life in my arms I was furious with her."

"So it was her fault that you felt that you weren't in control of the situation? It sounds as if you weren't in control and that there was no way that you could have been. Do you have another example?"

"When the Super Gate was being formed, and I wouldn't listen to her, she just took off without a word to anyone and almost got herself killed. No one knew what had happened to her and it was no thanks to her that she didn't die."

"And then on the Ori ship when Tomin was going to shoot me she pushed me out of the way and got herself shot. She could have died!"

"Daniel, you mean to tell me that you don't see a pattern? You get angry because she put herself into positions where she either was taken away or might have been taken away from you. None of us listened to Vala about the Super Gate. She knew she was right and something had to be done right away. That is the type of thing that you used to do that would get Jack so angry with you."

"Okay Sam, those might not have been the best examples. I have a lot more reasons to be angry with Vala. Wait a minute and I'll come up with some."

"Daniel, Teal'c knows that you said some upsetting things to Vala the other night. He was hoping that you would talk to me and explain what exactly what happened between you."

"So did Vala run to Teal'c to cry on his shoulder and complain about my treatment of her?"

"Vala hasn't said anything to anyone. She tried to deny to Teal'c that anything had happened between you, but he was able to tell she was hiding something. I realized tonight that Vala had been avoiding you while trying to make you think she wasn't. She led us to believe that she was spending her time working with you in the Library. Now I can't figure out where she was and what she was doing during all those hours. Didn't you notice that she hadn't actually been around, that she wasn't involved in working on your virtual ethnographic database? She sounded so excited when she described it to us and talked about all the exciting work you would be doing together."

Daniel looked away from Sam and opened Vala's journal. "I think that down deep I must have known, but I didn't want to face it. I became angry when she wasn't here. There were things I wanted to share with her. So I kept this journal for her and have been waiting for her to return so I could give it to her."

"Daniel, I hate to say it but your anger at Vala seems to always lead back to you. You felt helpless, she didn't say goodbye to you, she didn't let you get hurt, and she wasn't here for you. If you didn't care about her, not that you would be happy if anyone was burnt alive, why would you be so angry at Vala? Why not be angry at the villagers, the prior who told them to burn her, or all of the Ori? She was the victim. It sounds to me as if you are blaming the victim. Or were you angry because she was going to abandon you, like so many others in your life have done?"

Daniel looked at Sam, aghast at what she was saying. He tried to catch his breath and try and grasp the significance of what she was saying. No matter how hard he tried to suppress the memory suddenly he could hear himself yelling at Vala, trying his best to hurt her. He was terrified of what he must have done.

"Oh my god, Sam, I think I behaved badly. I was unforgivably cruel, vicious and brutal to Vala."

"What they hell did you say to her? And why? You have to talk to me Daniel, make me understand what happened so I can help the both of you."


	22. Chapter 22

Sam sat down on Daniel's bed and he sat at his desk with Vala's journal open on his lap.

"Sam, it's really hard for me to talk about what I said to her. It's difficult to face what happened. Though I think I might now have some inkling as to why."

"I haven't slept well for a long time, but lately it's gotten worse and last night was particularly bad. So I decided to read the journal I have been keeping for Vala. While I was reading it and again this morning when I wrote a note to Vala in the journal something was nagging at me about Vala's journal. As usual I tried to focus all my energy on work and ignore my feelings. (I know, 'big surprise'!) But as I read through it again just now I know what was bothering me. It really isn't a journal of notes and ideas about work at all. It's a journal of love letters to Vala."

"What if I've lost her? I finally come out of my fugue state and try and face my feelings about her, my feelings about us, and end up ruining chance at being happy. Please, you have to help me. I have no idea where to start. How can I fix this?"

Sam exhaled slowly. She was relieved; she hadn't wanted to return to Teal'c as a failure. At last Daniel had experienced the earth shattering realization of the true nature of his feelings of his love for Vala. Though the upcoming damage control would be emotionally exhausting the hardest part was over. Daniel had faced his fears and while he may not have completely overcome them Sam could tell that he was ready to move forward. She hoped that for Daniel's sake Vala was also ready.

Sam knew that Vala loved Daniel and though she may be emotionally distraught right now it wasn't because she didn't love him. Vala wasn't angry at Daniel. She didn't want him to know how much he had hurt her, in part, because she knew he would feel badly about hurting anyone. She wanted to protect him. Vala had worked so hard at avoiding Daniel because she loved him. She had been hurt but she didn't blame him, she had forgiven him. If she thought that he needed to be forgiven. If anything Vala would need to be convinced that she was worthy of being loved by anyone, and that she deserved to be happy. She and Daniel both needed to overcome their tendency to blame themselves, to think that it was their fault that they had been rejected and abandoned by the people they loved. Sam was surprised to realize that Vala lately seemed more grown up than Daniel. Sam would have laughed if Vala told her how much the pop psychologists on TV had helped her. But Vala could have explained to Sam that admitting and understanding your problems were the first and most difficult steps towards solving them.

Sam asked Daniel to tell her what had actually happened that night. She wanted to know why Vala felt there was no hope left for her and Daniel; she needed to understand how Vala's conclusions came to her in order to help Daniel.

"I can't tell you verbatim but I'll try and give you an idea of what I said and how I said it. We had been talking about the Asgard, how they had doomed themselves through their attempts to keep their selves alive. I said something like 'life is too short' and Vala stood up and took off her sweater. I asked her what she was doing and she said it was something that we should have done a long time ago, that we had been on the ship for three months. It was pretty obvious what she had in mind since she came over and started to unbuckle my pants. I stopped her and pushed her away. I may have pushed her a little harder than I meant to, but I was angry. I'm afraid my physical rejection scared her. Maybe it was at that point she started to believe that I meant what I had said in the past and it kept her from fighting. The irony that this was one time that I needed her to fight back isn't lost on me. Nor is the fact that I have been such an ass."

"Daniel, that wasn't unusual behavior for Vala. And I don't think that it was an unusual or unreasonable suggestion; after all we have been here for three months."

Daniel looked at Sam, unsure how to take her last comment. She looked back at him daring him to say anything. Sam was sick of the men at SGC treating her as some sort of asexual tomboy. Sometimes it felt as if they, except Jack for some reason, pigeonholed women into one of two traditional roles, whore or Madonna. Sam would rather not be in either of the two groups, but she would certainly, as surely Vala would, choose slut over saint. It was funny in a way because Sam had never felt that way in the military, professionally she had no problems. She hadn't been discriminated against at any point in her career. Actually when she spoke with her friends who had gone in to academe the military appeared to be an improvement. They didn't get tenure but she got promoted. As long as they didn't sleep with students they were free to get involved with other people on campus. No inconvenient chain of command issues. Though it turns out Department Heads, Deans and Provosts weren't always a good idea. Sam missed being able to share her work life with other women. Janet was gone and she didn't really know Dr. Lam. Sam had started to enjoy spending time with Vala, they were able to freely talk about their work, and they had shared experiences. Vala had figured out about Jack quite quickly. And Daniel might not trust Vala but Sam was never worried about Vala exposing their secret to anyone. It was beyond unfair, the guys got to have exciting off-world sexual encounters with exotic women; the closest she got to hot "alien" sex was Martouf. As sweet as he was he had to have been the most white bread alien in the universe. And she didn't even want to think about Pete. She had recently concluded that she sought out men, who were the anti-Jack, the dullest and most boring men with the least amount of animal magnetism possible. Now that she finally had Jack, so to speak, she couldn't imagine how she had slept with any of them. She considered it an indication of how lonely and unhappy she must have been. At least those days were over. When she got back to earth she vowed that Jack wouldn't know what hit him.

"When I started to attack her she just sat on the bed putting her sweater back on and not looking at me. She was so quiet and she didn't respond to the harsh things that I said. I told her that I was finally getting over losing my wife and was possibly ready to get close to someone again. But that it would never be her, not in a million years. I think I might have actually repeated that as in 'not in a million, million years'. I knew that it was wrong as I was yelling and now as I tell you about it I literally feel sick. I'm glad that I haven't eaten much today or I would be throwing up. All the while I berated her she just sat there with her back to me. She didn't react at all and I just kept on saying dreadful things to her, things that weren't true. I think that in my own neurotic way I was trying to reach out to her. I wanted Vala to disagree, to argue with me, to force me to see that I was wrong. She didn't seem to care."

"The only true thing I said to her that night was about finally getting over Sha're and being ready to spend my life with someone else. But it seemed that no matter what I said she still said nothing, she didn't defend herself; she didn't even try to fight for "us". I wanted her to care enough to fight for me. She had been driving me nuts for two years and I was afraid that she had never been serious, that she hadn't meant what she had been saying all that time. That I was the one who was being rejected, tossed away, abandoned once again. I was trying to defend myself from her, from my feelings for her."

"It's funny that now I see it so clearly. At the time I just knew that I was upset, scared and angry, both at her and myself. Then I went in for the kill, I knew if she loved me she would be devastated. But I went there anyway. I said that the only reason she flirted with me and pretended to seduce me was that she wanted to 'have a laugh at my expense'. I can remember my heart jumping into my mouth while I waited to hear what she would say. She simply stood up and walked out the door, I didn't even see her face."

"When I tell you about it now I find it hard to understand why I didn't go after her, but I thought that she had proved me right. That Vala had only been interested in humiliating me. I didn't feel that I could stand it if I was right. So I ignored what I felt, telling myself that it had just been another one of our numerous meaningless fights. I convinced myself that I couldn't have hurt her, and though she may not have appreciated my yelling that as long as she forgave me everything would go back to 'normal, however fucked up that was."

Sam looked like she wanted to cry, "Daniel the both of you have been in such pain for so long maybe things had to come to a head in order to force the two of you to face your unrequited passion for each other. And believe me I have known way too much unrequited passion in my life! "

"Each of you has been cruel in your own twisted way. You kept her at arms length with words, insuring that you wouldn't get too close. Vala has been just as bad; she kept you away by acting the shallow insincere flirt. Even after she knew she loved you she was too scared to stop, she wasn't brave enough to take a chance that you could be interested in her and not the stereotype she presented to the rest of the world."

"Yet when you were together, not paying attention to your own neurotic agendas, everyone could see how you enjoyed being with each other. You may have constantly bickered with her Daniel, but your eyes came alive when you were with her. Both of you were having fun, and that made your old friends very happy. Jack has talked to me about it more than once. He enjoys seeing you being challenged by Vala. It is his opinion that we all cut you too much slack, that it is good to have someone around who didn't live through all those bad times with you, who doesn't think of you as fragile."

"In point of fact it occurred to me, before we left on this little 'three hour tour', that sometimes you act towards her the same way that Jack acted towards you those first years. Now she is the impetuous one, causing and getting in trouble though often for good reasons. She is the one who puts herself in danger without regard for what it might do to the people who care about her. You are the sane voice of reason angered by her thoughtless behavior. It is really pretty funny when you think about it."

Daniel stared at Sam "Jack talks to you about me? About me and Vala? When do you have these conversations? Why didn't he just talk to me?"

"Daniel you are not exactly the most open individual and neither is Jack. Do you really expect that he would feel comfortable discussing your love life with you?" Sam was trying her best to distract Daniel from his question as to when she talked to Jack."

Daniel, back when Vala was kidnapped and lost her memory you devoted yourself to getting her back, getting her home, home to you. After you got her to put down her gun in that warehouse and the two of you held on so tightly to each other, I expected that you were ready to face facts about your relationship."

"I don't know exactly what happened there, either. I felt so close to her but somehow we both let that moment slip by. We certainly are a pair of odd ducks, sometimes slightly psychotic ducks."

"Sam I don't have to be convinced about Vala. I know that I love her, that I have loved her for a long time. Hell, it started from the first time I saw her when she took off that Kull warrior helmet. She was beautiful and what followed after that things went from strange to exciting to frightening and back again, but never boring. Once she was gone I had to admit to myself that it had been exhilarating and fun. But rather than process the experience or examine how I felt I concentrated on forgetting her. Though I wasn't able to do that until after I wrote my mission report. Then in order to decide how to censor it I had to go back in my mind and relive everything that happened. By the time she showed up on at SGC I thought that I had repressed everything. When I saw her again my body went into shock, I think my brain did, too. I couldn't believe how happy I was to see her. But I couldn't admit that to myself and was able to convince myself that she was going to be 'trouble'. Trouble because I was so attracted to her. But I couldn't read her; I couldn't tell how she was reacting to me. Though she carried on as if she 'wanted' me she also acted as if she was only interested in plunder and booty. I realize now that I was selling us both short."

Neither one of them had realized that Teal'c had come to the door and entered Daniel's room until he spoke.

"I thank you Samantha Carter for getting Daniel to speak. I am happy that I do not have to do what I think you Tauri call beat the crap out of him. I have been watching Vince McMahon and have gotten numerous tips on wrestling moves."

Sam and Daniel said together "Save it for Mitchell!"

Teal'c said, "Daniel Jackson, I think that aside from loving each other, you and Vala could be of great service to each other. You both carry a vast amount of guilt for events for which you were in no way responsible. You do not believe that Vala is to blame for what was done by Qetesh during the years Vala was a host. I know that you would try and help her understand that and relieve her of the burden of her self-reproach, just as Vala must do the same for you. Together you will heal and both become stronger."

Daniel looked at Sam and Teal'c and said "So where do we go from here?"


	23. Chapter 23

_I based my interpretation of why Daniel said what he did to Vala in "the scene" on a GateWorld interview with Michael Shanks and Robert C. Cooper's commentary on the Season 10 DVD. I loved the scene when I saw it for the first time and I was thrilled after listening to the interview and commentary to discover that the back story I had imagined was pretty much on target._

Daniel sat at his desk with Vala's journal closed on the desk. Sam had stretched out on the bed and Teal'c sat on the floor leaning against the foot of the bed. They were throwing ideas out in what Teal'c had explained to them was called brainstorming. Teal'c and Jasec had attended a motivational management seminar together. Jasec told Teal'c that he was interested in studying Tauri techniques. He had mentioned pyramids to Teal'c which had interested him; however pyramids were never mentioned. When Teal'c asked the leader about them the man became agitated and requested that they leave immediately. Jasec said that it had been a very instructive and worthwhile experience for him and thanked Teal'c for accompanying him. Teal'c suspected that he was grateful because the men assigned to remove them from the session looked intimidated when they approached Teal'c and Jasec. Teal'c felt that SG-1 might benefit from some of the team building exercises he participated in before they were ejected from the room.

Daniel's first thought was to simply take the journal to Vala. Teal'c and Sam agreed that would be a good start. But Teal'c rolled his eyes and Sam gave a loud exaggerated sigh when he went on to explain what would happen next. Daniel wanted to go over the journal with her and discuss the work she had missed. He would ask her to come to the Library the next morning and they could work together on one of the more intriguing cultures. Once they started working together he would gradually … At this point Teal'c sat up, leaned towards the desk and hit Daniel on the side of the head with the heel of his hand.

"What the hell was that?" asked Daniel as he rubbed his head.

"I warned you Daniel Jackson. I am usually a patient man but if you continue with this foolishness …"

Sam intervened and convinced them to continue. Teal'c favored the idea of the grand gesture. His suggestions involved massive amounts of roses, climbing up fire escapes, white horses and something called serenading. He wasn't sure if that meant actually singing oneself or simply playing music on a portable device held over your head beneath the woman's window. Sam was more inclined to encourage talking to her, apologizing, making her understand why Daniel has so many problems dealing with his emotions, etc. His use of words was one of Daniel's strong suites and she felt that he should go with what he knew best. Plus if he ran into trouble he could always look at her with his beautiful eyes, they could distract any woman from anything.

Sam was watching Daniel closely as they tossed around ideas. He appeared to be listening carefully to them though with what her father called a 'shit eating grin' on his face. During his many, many long years in school Daniel had learned how to sit still in class, keep your eyes on the teacher and appear to be entranced by whatever they were saying, which left him free to let his thoughts roam wherever he pleased. Daniel was capable of smiling and nodding in appropriate places though all he heard was "yada yada yada, blah blah blah." He had often thought that he should teach the technique to Jack. Daniel respected Sam and her work but he had perhaps just a smidgen more interest in astrophysics than Jack. It was a real smile on Daniel's face, he was thinking about Vala. He was grateful for what Sam and Teal'c had done for him, enabling him to face his fears, admit to himself that he needed Vala, that he loved Vala. But "Grasshopper" had snatched the pebble from their hands.

In spite of his vast capacity for all types of self-destructive behavior Daniel was actually quite intelligent. In addition to being aware of how much he loved Vala he also now understood that Vala loved him. In his heart he had known that her reaction, or lack thereof, to his ranting was not the "wrong" one but was actually the "right" reaction. If he hadn't been so afraid of feeling close to someone who might not want to be close to him, he would have seen the truth. Her silence was not because she agreed with what he said but because she thought that he agreed with it. But he was capable of pushing any realization so deep into his subconscious that there was no telling when it would have surfaced. He owed Teal'c and Sam for unmasking his feelings to himself with such strength, purpose and love on their part that it forced him to reevaluate his life.

Daniel knew that he didn't have to win Vala back, he hadn't lost her, he had never "had" her and didn't expect that he ever would "have" her. They may have laughed at his idea of giving Vala her journal as his first move, but he knew that Vala would understand what it meant to him. She loved him and she understood him. She didn't love Daniel as he might have been and he didn't love Vala as she might have been. They were just two deeply flawed souls who had found each other and were going to be very happy. Daniel could see how she would laugh when he told her about Teal'c and Sam coming to his rescue. Vala would love the part where Teal'c actually hit him!

Daniel could no longer contain himself. He politely thanked them for their assistance and said that he had taken all their ideas under advisement and would let them know which ones he implemented. His only fear was that Vala would be unwilling to let him in to talk. He knew that she loved him but he also knew that she was as frightened now as he had been that night.

Daniel asked "Teal'c would you please come with me to Vala's quarters? I would appreciate it if you would ask her if you can come in and then I'll take it from there."

"Daniel Jackson, do you not want to have Sam create flowers, jewelry, chocolates, wine or some other special token of your love."

"Teal'c, I am confident that I can utilize the ideas you have given me on my own without props."

"Sam, I love you and appreciate all that you have done for me and for Vala. I hope that you have all the happiness you deserve, which is an amazing amount."

Daniel put Vala's journal under his arm and headed out the door with Teal'c following behind him. Sam smiled as they left and was left thinking about Jack, and love and happiness and how she wished he had been on the mission; working together she felt that they could solve any problem. Lately she had been feeling very anxious and apprehensive about her ability to break the ship free from this God damned time bubble!

Teal'c knocked on Vala's door saying "Vala Mal Doran, may I please enter?" Vala answered "Of course. Come on in Muscles."

Teal'c opened the door, turned to Daniel and bowed him into the room. As he did so he quietly said "Good luck Daniel Jackson". Out of the corner of his eye Daniel saw Teal'c raise his arm in a threatening move, while smiling as if it was a joke. But in his eyes Daniel saw the message that it wouldn't be a joke if Daniel hurt Vala. It was another thing to add to the list of things he would share with Vala. She would laugh but he knew she would also be extremely pleased that Teal'c cared for her enough to beat up the man she loved!

Daniel stepped into her room and saw that she was sitting on one of her bean bag chairs, dressed in pink, with her hair in pigtails. There was a large pillow on her lap and she looked up with a guilty expression. Not the overwhelming guilt of their own personal gestalt of remorse, more the 'I just ate all of the blue Jell-O" or the "I know that I'm not supposed to be in here but..." type of guilt. Before he could try to figure it out she had noticed that it was him and not Teal'c. Daniel took the traditional deep breath before beginning his speech then threw himself right into it.

"Vala, I love you. I've been a jackass and couldn't see how much I need you, how much I love you. I know that you love me. I have missed you so much and there are so many things that I want to share with you, the Asgard ethnographic database is amazing, you're going to love working with it. I wrote down everything in a journal that I kept for you."

"First I have to explain to you why I said all those horrible things; I need to make sure that you understand how I truly feel. You have to believe that we deserve to be happy, we are going to be happy, we are …"

Vala yelled, interrupting Daniel "Shut up. You had me at jackass."

Laughing she stood up and the pillow dropped on the floor along with something metal. Daniel saw that it was a gun and at the same time he saw the row of stuffed animals across the room from where Vala had been sitting. She had obviously been shooting them using the pillow as a silencer. Each animal had a hole right between their eyes. Daniel and Vala looked at each other and doubled over with laughter.

"What! I was bored, you weren't here, I didn't think that you loved me and I was actually getting sick of chocolate. Which is certainly something I never thought I would say. In my mind chocolate is the crowning achievement of Earth. In fact …"

"Shut up. You had me at bored."

Daniel looked closely at Vala as he held the journal out to her, and saw what she was wearing. It was a pair of pink one piece footie pajamas. Daniel dropped the book and thanked God for zippers. As Daniel headed towards her and Vala jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. They fell down together half on the floor half on the bean bag chair and knocked their heads together. They rolled over until Vala was on top, she sat up and put her knees on either side of his waist and said to Daniel "Deja vu much?"

Daniel got his hands on the zipper and Vala went for his belt…

FADE TO BLACK


End file.
